Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Dead End

The day before yesterday, Bins father-in-law passed away. He was around 67 years old & suffered from Parkinson’s. Yesterday I found out that a neighbour who we lived opposite to our apartment for 23 years had passed away. Mr. Jalal, a Pakistani national, maybe around 50 years of age, complained of feeling uneasy in the morning. Not heeding his wife’s advice of consulting the doctor next door to his office, he drove all the way to a hospital. He was found dead in his car infront of the emergency building entrance.

The above is actually my secret nightmare. Dying in the middle of nowhere. When I used to go to work there was this huge main road with 4 lanes that I crossed everyday.......the zebra crossing was 5 minutes away, the sun was too hot & I was always running late. So it was easier to cut across…..I would wait to find a break in the traffic & run across, carefully ofcourse. Running across a main road is actually a traffic offense here but since there were no visible policemen around many of us did this to save time. But everyday while cutting across the road this thought would cross my mind “What if some vehicle hit me & I died today??? Nobody would know who I am. I could be lying in a pool of blood & my family will have no idea.”

Till the age of 30 I hardly gave death a thought. Death happened to old people. Whenever I heard that somebody was suffering from cancer or kidney failure I would wonder why people had to suffer so much. Why couldn’t death be quicker???
But now at the age of 35 when I hear that a 38 year old died of a heart-attack or a 45 year old died of cancer I have this vague feeling of panic. 35 is not so far away from 38 or 45. Death was no longer something which happened to very old or sick people.

Frankly speaking, Death scares me. It is so final. I wonder what goes on in the minds of people who suffer from incurable illnesses like cancer & Aids???? Where do they get the courage to live knowing that they are soon going to be buried under the earth or charred to ashes???? How do they feel about having no say…no choice about their living, or should I say dying?????
I was so upset when I watched the video of the Last lecture by Randy Pausch. When I see dead bodies of little children in Iraq in the newspapers I’m filled with anguish. I want to hold my children tightly & not let them out of my sight. When Winnie blogs about her mother who passed away I feel so terrible for her that I sit there for ages wondering what I could write to console her….. but I know no words of comfort can obliterate the grim truth that her mother is no more, which inturn reminds me that my parents are growing old. I didn’t feel so bad when my grandfather passed away at 98 but when I hear of people, even strangers dying in their prime I’m terribly upset. Even death scenes in movies & soaps depress me…..especially when the protagonist pleads that he doesn’t want to die.

Long back when I was blogging from Windows Live Spaces I used to visit the blog page of a Pakistani teenager, living in London. I don’t have the link otherwise I would have put it here. She was very attached to her father & had watched him die in front of her eyes. A few weeks after his death she put up a heart-breaking post on what happens to a body after it is buried. Till then I had no clue & infact didn’t even want to know what happened to dead bodies. That post was terrible….her anguish at her inability to save her father from death & the graphic descriptions of after-death deterioration were horrifying. I know I can google & get it but I don’t want to. I just cant bear to do it.

Religions give us hope of a beautiful place like Heaven & actions like rebirth. But I find no solace in any of them. This is where I question my faith in the Lord???? If I really believed in the Father I should be comfortable about going back to him. But I’m not.
Does anybody know what really happens????? All I know is that if I die I’ll be taken away from my family…….my parents & husband will be inconsolable & my children will be bereft. And I………I don’t want to go anywhere, period!!!!!

Then again I think.....maybe as we grow older our mind also grows & accepts death like how we embrace all the other stages in our lives. At first the people around are shattered but gradually they pick up the threads again. The dead person finds a place on the wall. And Life goes on.

Have I spooked you with this post????? Actually was not planning to write a post of this kind at all. Its a topic I generally am content to push under the carpet. I just concentrate on living Life on a day-to-day basis. Its only when I’m confronted with bad news, all these depressing thoughts come & make me feel terrible. Didnt mention it earlier but even the Air France tragedy sort of contributed towards all these morbid contemplations.

Is there anybody who shares these kind of thoughts?????
Or maybe a different point of view??????

64 comments:

  1. Only yesterday one of our Subcontractor’s Manager came to bid a farewell and said he is leaving for India to get treatment for Parkinson’s .I really din’t know what to do. I simply said to him, will keep him in my prayers.

    True, death is scary. No doubt. But how long you want to live with that fear? I know it is easier to say, but if you think in the other way, you can getaway with that slowly. If we die, for sure it is a loss for our family. If anyone of our close, loved ones lose their lives, we feel sad. But again how long ? A week,a month?? Then move on in our life to survive and cope up with the reality. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not stone hearted, but thinking of reality. I read a book recently “Home with God” by Neale Donald Walsch. Check out this link for its review and you will know why am I talking like this

    http://www.amazon.com/Home-with-God-ebook/dp/B000GCFCXM

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  2. Nancy, trust me, I'm not scared but even I at times think of what if tomorrow, I'm not there?

    For that reason, (as well as few other reasons), I've a complete file of all my financial records, receivables, payables, LIC policies etc. and I've given my brother the password.

    I'm more intrigued with what happens to the secrets a person holds, when he passes away? Are those lost forever, what about any money he had to take from a friend which no one knew about? Those sort of things...

    But somehow I don't feel scared...

    I read the following on another blog...

    In the words of Jung, "From the middle onwards only he remains vitally alive who is ready to die with life. For in the secret hour of life's mid-day the parabola is reversed, death is born. The second half of life does not signify ascent, unfolding, increase, exuberance , but death, since the end is its goal."Read the complete post here - http://aldebaran14.blogspot.com/2009/03/remembrance.html

    Very interesting post.

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  3. i dont even want to think about what i think or feel about this dead end. period. in your post when u talk about cancer patients on the bed, i thought about one of amit's friends brother in his mid twenties who is struggling so bravely for last 2 years almost. If there was to be death why the hell does it need to be accompanied with any kind of sufferings? I fail to understand... :(

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  4. Maddy: Ofcourse I dont misunderstand U....you are being practical. And yes I do understand nobody in the world is irreplacable. Anybody who thinks tht is living in a bubble. As u said Life goes on.
    I checked out the link...the book seems worth picking up:-).

    Rakesh: Yes when we have a family, thoughts automatically go towards securing ur dependants future.
    And talking abt secrets....u knw I often play this scene out in my head....I'm on my deathbed & the last thing I do is gasp out my blog's password to my better-half so tht he can get in & announce my Death to all of U;-D
    But jokes apart, Jungs statement does make me think abt the meaning of our very existence.

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  5. Mindspace: Exactly my feelings....when I was below 30. Somehow as time passes, matters we never gave a thought before start niggling into our psyche and esp when we see it happening just infront of us.

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  6. Hey Nancy,

    I have never given a thought to what might happened to my body after death or something like that but the very thought of death, esp. of a near and dear one scares me a lot. Whenever I think of death, I feel that if I go first, all my dear ones will shed tears, some of them may feel broken and so on. But what abt the ones I have to see before I reach that stage. I dread to even think of that. We see people cry for some days and then carry on with life. We don't know what they are feeling inside but they ought to move on. Even then I dread to even think of that tomorrow. And abt people suffering, I still feel like questioning the Lord why can't it be simpler than that? I still cant forget my grandparents though its been years since they are gone. I still miss them and tears roll down when I think of them. Sometimes, even if I know we have to die some day, I keep feeling why can't I go on living like this with my parents, my husband just as I am living today. Then I push aside these feelings so that I can atleast spend today happily; why think of that and were a sullen look all day long. What else can we do?

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  7. Nancy, the only thing that is certain in our life...is death and over the years I guess I don't really ponder or think of what that is inevitable...dying is a part of life too...if you analyze closely...you will find that a part of us is dying everyday in order for us to live...anyway time is catching with me...

    Thanks dear, for sharing your thoughts...I felt that same way when I was in India alone...what if I don't get up from my sleep...

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  8. Gosh! it scares me too! My secret nightmare is losing my loved ones. I cannot imagine what my life will be like. I wonder how people survive losing their loved ones. My sympathies to the Pakistani girl who had to face such a situation. It really is heart wrecking.. :(
    But then I think that what's more important is that we don't have any one to be happy when we are gone. To me, its more important to help people and be remembered fondly when I am not around.

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  9. As a child I used to be really scared of death. I only wanted to ensure I don't have a painful death.There is a lot more to this, but would feel strange putting it up in a public place.

    But the thing is I don't believe death is an end, I think it is just a part of the cycle, I believe in the concept of souls and everlasting love. I believe that even if this body withers away, if my love is strong, I will be back with the ones I love in one form or another.

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  10. hi Nancy, I didn't read this post. After the first few lines, I jumped straight to the comment box. Sometimes it's okay to think about such things, only sometimes though..

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  11. I have never thought about death as such Nancy..but yes lately,since I was in college infact the fact or the realization that mom and dad are aging seems to have sunk in...


    I am just plain terrified when it is about any of my loved ones..

    death is a scary prospect..I never think about it.,..
    just taking each day as it comes...

    had written about this...a long time back..when I had come close to losing a loved one..

    he is hale and hearty now *touchwood*
    and since then there has been a quiet vow in the family to live each day to the fullest...

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  12. well it feels wierd to even think about it.. somehow my own death doesnt scare me, or probably I dont think abt it, but losing someone extremely close is something that i cant deal with.. i havent been there (TOUCHWOOD TOUCHWOOD TOUCHWOOD) but i shudder to even think abt it.. i am sure i will ever be able to come to terms with it..
    there this strange feeling inside me as i write this

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  13. I agree with you .. death is scary and spooky and after the loss of a loved one, its hardest for his immediate family to cope. It takes a while but all of us do cope BUT theres this lingering feeling for years after that says I wish I had my dad with me right now to celebrate this new job or I wish my mom could have seen my baby ..

    They never really go away.

    In the other case, there are terminally ill patients who are undergoing intensive treatment and are very likely not to make it. In those cases, the longer the person's life is prolonged, the more he suffers and so does his family.
    Death if ever should be speedy.

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  14. There is a show in television - Happiness, A journey with Deepak Chopra. Last week's episode was how to find happiness in death. I was speechless while I listened to him talk about death. Let me share it with you (Surprising, you also wrote abt death).

    Dont ever think the human body is destroyable. This body is made up of matter and matter can never be destroyed. Maybe the shape of the object might be different. When the realisation comes that we are part of the pranaa (the living breath of the world), we feel one with this world.
    How often do you meet with your loved ones who dont stay with you ??? So, with those people, you communicate with your consciousness. They are in your conscience and you, in theirs. And this is how we communicate, even after death.
    All these wonderous thinking to sink in may take time, but I think this is something to help us, during such situations.
    Ah ! Now I think I can write a post on this !!!

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  15. I am sorry to hear about Bins father-in-law and about your neighbor, Nancy.

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  16. I sometimes have nightmares about death. More about what i would do if my loved ones are taken away from me..im scared for others...i have mixed feelings when it comes to death and im petrified about even discussing it:(

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  17. The first para gave me goose bumps..I kept reading to feel a sprak run over me..pardon me ,it was as if I lost few hours or days just reading this. A 40 somenthing person was treated like a grand pa..now they all are 10-12 years ONLY elder to me :(

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  18. *sigh*

    You know.. we learn to move on.. life doesnt end there.. besides.. I would rather see the bright side of it.. I could enjoy so many years with that particular person.. yes I do feel cheated upon sometimes.. but then.. mostly I do realize that whatever happened to me.. made me the person I am.. so I cannot really regret it..

    *hugs*

    Once in a while each one of us goes through this..
    :)

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  19. I just know that death is the only truth in life and the best way not to remembr this to live evryday as it is the last day of our life.
    Whenevr someone is scared due to some health problem in my family, I lawys say....can anyone..I mean anyone who is hale and hearty can say with confidence that he will be alive tomorrow? nahi na, then why worry......death band life are always in god's hands, let him do his work and you do urs.

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  20. It's good to have these kinds of posts- it is good to sit down and turn the questions over in our hand and view all sides- to really SEE what is there and not pretend it doesn't exist.

    I have faced death a few times in the head on- in tragic situations and in sickness- and I keep coming back to Paul's statement- "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain" and "Oh death where is your sting?"- I live 100 percent as if I'm not going to die and I want to bring glory to Christ- and if I should die- I will rejoice to go and be with Him. There is such a peace about it.

    I know my family will miss me- but I also know they will survive- and even go on to have wonderful lives without me. How do I know this? Because I know God will be there for them as He has always been there for me- through thick or thin.

    ps. what was I tagged for?

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  21. Nancy, these are some of the thoughts that scare me and there are times when I absolutely feel helpless thinking about it. Then come out of it for I can do nothing to change it. Just 2 days back my aunt's MIL passed away and I was bit off on seeing how an entire generation is finishing off. How after couple of generation no one will even remember that we existed. :(

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  22. Hey Nancy

    I can totally understand where you are coming from, yeah with the Air France kinds of cases such thoughts do make way into our minds...but we have not seen the future..to save the happenings in the future..so why bother....que sera sera...whatever will be will be...

    Everytime I see people worrying about death I can't relate to them, I am ok with dying myself...its only the death of my parents that I feel like I don't want that to happen....I pray every second for their health and long life...which is not very good either because death is the ultimate...nobody can change that, so am working on that on myself.

    As per our belief "We are from God and unto Him is the return."
    so if that is the destination we are in our journey so one must look forward to reach the destination....my life ka funda is....do not waste a minute...as long as we are here do good, have fun and prepare for the best result in the hereafter....

    and as per our worldly belief...Amitabh ne bhi kaha hai....zindagi toh bewafa hai ek din thukraegi...maut mahbooba hai apne saath lekar jayegi....remember...so dont worry be happy...

    Hey checkout my motherhood tag...sorry for delay had ridz birthday in the line...lem'me know how I did it :)

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  23. It is the most scary thing of all: m sure poets and philosophers have written about love and death more than they have about anything else in the world. I wonder now if the two are not linked in some way.
    They say God is Love, and God is Truth - then perhaps our "soul" existence depends on striving to attain these two aspects on earth. When we have done our part - we leave. We also leave those we love behind - but only in body. In spirit - we continue to live in them, in what we have left behind. Fear not for your children and loved ones - it is your faith in Truth & Love, that will protect and guide them.

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  24. Hey, Nancy, what happened...you are the one who brightens us with your humour and this is my sort of post! But like you, death scares me to no end...not because I am afraid to die but because I can't imagine how others would manange...
    But then I have seen death at close quarters , I know it is final, an end of a chapter...and that does give me the creeps.

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  25. i think its healthy to think about death and not fear it. i think it helps to "live it up" in present. u accept that the end will come, in any form at any time, so its the here and now that is so special.

    i find it easier to think deal with and accept my end. but when i think about others who are special to me my mind shuts off. id rather not think about it. strange as it sounds.

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  26. hey nancy,
    Humm i know death is a scary thing..the fact is i havent thought abt my death being a prob..wen i am soo depressed, i have paryed for an end to my life...But i am petrified abt the death of a loved one and dont even want to think about it... As per our christian belief, i just want the sould to be with the lord..thats wat i pary for abt my grandparents who passed away...
    And i hate going to funerals and seeing all the pain and stuff..wat can i say to them...one of my close friends lost her mom to cancer... She was so devastated and alone and almost an yr after that she lost her dad...i guess he couldnt bear to be without his partner and sffered a amjor attack...Even to this day i dont know at to say to her as she feels so alone and all she has is an younger brother.. We sure want to see her married and settle down so that atleast she will have someone with her

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  27. Swaram: Death to a certain extent I feel is like childbirth. The gripping pain a woman experiences while giving birth can never be fully explained, likewise only the people who experience the loss of a dear one can feel that sorrow & emptiness. The rest of us only think we know.
    But as time passes the fear atleast for me has become more tangent.

    Sukku: As u said...most of these thoughts occur to us when we are alone.
    Not getting up from sleep reminded me of an incident 2 yrs back when the AC made strange noises 1 night just as we were going to sleep. The better-half gave it a whack & adjusted something & it seemed to be working ok. Then he & the kids slept off but I couldnt & kept getting up with a start every 20-30mins & checking if everybody was breathing;-D

    Rohini: "To me, its more important to help people and be remembered fondly when I am not around."
    Thats a lovely thought to follow:-))!!!

    Goofy Mumma: "I believe that even if this body withers away, if my love is strong, I will be back with the ones I love in one form or another."
    This ideology is beautiful!!!! If u dont mind me asking u, does ur religion tell u this or u just feel like this?????

    Snow: I too believe tht thought of death or any negetive thoughts which makes us gloomy shd never grow roots in our minds. But why didnt u read the whole post????

    Indyeah: "the realization that mom and dad are aging seems to have sunk in..."
    Exactly....everyyear I go back home & see my parents more wrinkled & aged, my heart just contracts in sorrow. Just this realisation makes me aware how fast time flies.
    And u r right...its when we experience trauma with regard to a loved one that we learn to savour every moment of the time we have.

    ISH: That strange feeling is a fear & the realisation that Life & Death is a cycle which nobody can escape from. Its strange because we dont even want to acknowledge it let alone examine it. I know that feeling so well.

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  28. U really did spook me with this post. I read this post last night and I woke up this morning to the news of a neighbor passing away. Call it coincidence or what? Well it had to be cos I don't believe otherwise. I do fear death, not mine, but that of my loved ones. Life does go on after that, but that vacuum remains unfilled.

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  29. death is scary...if you ask me..an 18 yr old..i might say its too far..but when I see kids just half my age...with heart problems...i find all the more reasons to be scared..

    Anyhow..i have experienced on thing in life..
    i've bee worried about so many problems..but.....when the time comes it all gets cleared or solved in a miraculous way...

    May me when death comes..People who love me wud be strong enough to face it...

    My two cousins..who loved their mom so dearly and couldn't live without her..are doing very well... even after my aunt's death..
    Some divine (may be) strength to face it ahhh!!

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  30. Hmm...I feel that the idea of death is more confusing than scary. And it is our ignorance of what lies ahead that leads to this confusion and fear.

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  31. To be honest, I fear death. Moreso for my loved ones than myself. I don't even want to think about it.

    Last Feb one of my best friends lost her husband to Cancer. He's been suffering since the last 4 years. But when I went to see him last Jan, he was so calm, he even joked and made us laugh. I was surprised, he had so accepted his fate. My friend just looked tired and had shed so many tears at night that I could feel that life's energy had long seeped out of her body. I could not understand. Life is always tough for the family and the loved ones coz the one suffering, after a point in time accepts it - it's the DABDA phenomenon.

    I just know I won't be able to take it if it ever happened to the people I love so much. But then, death is inevitable and the only truth. And I believe in eternal redemption :)

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  32. Prashanti:) Ur 2nd instance reminded me of a relative who had a heart-attack & went into a coma...only his eyes wd open & close, no other movements. After 3 months in hospital they sent him home as there was nothing else they cd do. He lived another 5 months....& his family saw his deterioration happening in front of their eyes. It was heartrending.
    Yes like u said...in these cases death should just come & be done with it.

    Umas: This show's ideology sounds interesting. Can u tell me the channel on which it is & what time it comes on?
    And please do put up ur ideas in a post. It will be interesting to read.

    Agnes: So am I:-(!!!!!!

    An Open Book I dont think there is anybody who is happy or completely self assured when they speak abt death. Mostly because whtever information we have about whtever happens after death are all.....just theories, assumptions & hearsay:-).

    Smi: Exactly...exactly!!!! And u know wht....u'll feel worse after 35...like I do. Everything starts feeling 'real' & happening a little too close for comfort. Does tht make sense;-P

    Winnie: *Hugs* back Meena. I knew u'd understand:-).

    Renu: I was waiting for read ur comment:-). How simply U put it Renu.....but is it really that easy to shrug it off???? Is it ur faith in ur religion which gives u the confidence or in the cycle of Life?????

    Anjuli: Beautiful....& oh so wisely said. U r looking at it thru ur Faith in God.....which I understand that though sometimes I stumble around looking for explanations from anothers point of view.

    Solilo: "How after couple of generation no one will even remember that we existed."
    Believe me Solilo I too feel terrible that my kid's grandkids have not even going to bother to find out abt us;-P.
    But jokes apart I do think just like how u do when I hear abt the older generation fading out of sight & gradually out of my minds.

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  33. Its my faith in God...Like u see my sister is having some health problems and her son is still not settle, so she worries a lot and I always tell her that we are mistaken that we look after our children and bring them up..NO....its god who does everything, so dont worry,he will look after his children and..once my son said that why do I worry so much about him, because if something is destined it will happen even crossing the road, so will I stop him from crossing the road even? and it has made a lasting effect on me..the more we dont worry about tomorrow, more we can live and enjoy our todays.

    My motto in life is...DO WHAT IS TRUTH AND RIGHT AND LEAVE THE REST TO GOD.

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  34. I stumbled on your post today and coincidentally I was trying to answer 'death question' for my 6-ry old the other day.I told him that we go to heaven after death,but he said I dont want to be in heaven without you.Its so difficult to explain this to a child.

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  35. Sadiya: What u wrote made a lot of sense, with lots of points to ponder over....and u crowned it aptly with Amitabhji's dialogue:-).
    And thank U for taking up the tag:-)).

    Shades of Grey: "We also leave those we love behind - but only in body. In spirit - we continue to live in them, in what we have left behind. Fear not for your children and loved ones - it is your faith in Truth & Love, that will protect and guide them."
    Thank U for those comforting words, sometimes we need to hear it from others for it to start making sense within us:-))!!!!!!!

    Sindhu: My mother always says tht to my father that she hopes that God takes her after him coz otherwise who will take care of his whims & fancies after she goes. And everybody who knows my fathers finicky behaviour agrees with her;-D. And now even I know exactly wht she means by tht statement:-).

    N: U say it with the confidence of the young, 10 years later u may not view it with the same calmness that u display now....coz I remmeber my own similar emotions at the same age:-).

    Enigma: I dont really think the bereaved are expecting us to do anything much. My guess is tht our support & care will be obvious by itself.
    Seriously funerals depress me also so much....but then I guess it has tht effect on most of us. My grandmom strictly told her kids tht she didnt want photographs & video to be taken at her death...now my mum says the same thing...& I too feel the same.

    Anusha: Yes life does go on even after everything. I remember an incident where a middle aged lady passed away one day without any warning. After the funeral when the family came back they wept when they saw the chutney she had made that morning for breakfast still on the dining table.....made me so sad even listening to it.

    Priya Joyce: Yes the human mind is so full of depth.....many a time things dont affect us coz it didnt happen to us. And when it does(& without a doubt it will) we surprise ourselves with our mental strength.
    So sorry to hear abt ur aunt.

    Meira: U said it...really it is the lack of information as to wht happens exactly after death which is causing mayhem in the mind. Many ideas & theories are floated around but nothing concrete.

    Still Thinking: What u mentioned is one of my worst nightmares....I cant even begin to imagine what ur friend must have gone thru.
    And like u said "eternal redemption" is what keeps most of us going:-).

    Renu: So sweet of u really for trying to help me see the light. Ur last sentence is so like what I follow:-).
    From every comment there are so many points to ponder over. Thank U:-))!!!!!!!!!

    Sara: My kids ask me the same....I try to tell the truth without revealing too much. They dont have the capacity to grasp the reality. So I just try to keep it simple....using religion as a base:-).

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  36. Sometimes one is merely scared of death thinking that how his/her near and dear will survive without him/her.

    But death is part of the game(of life) so take the thought of it sportingly

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  37. You just gave words to my fears. My parents stay all by themselves. My father, though officially retired, still has a job that keeps him very busy. My mother, who was a working professional earlier, manages the house. And there are no relatives around. At this age, I wish they had either of us (me or my sis) who could take care of them. But that is not happening for the next couple of years atleast. And my biggest fear is something bad happening to either of them, and the other person gets too helpless to act/react in such a situation. I don't even want to imagine how suffocating that would be.
    Regarding my own death, the only heartbreaking emotion is that of Diya(my daughter) being left alone/at the mercy of others. There are many loving relatives around, but a mother's love is irreplaceable and I don't want her to grow up without it..
    Sorry for such a long rant, but I really felt the urge to express!!
    God Bless you..

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  38. Hi Nancy,

    I have seen my father pass away in front of me. The pain of your loved one not being there, is something which is undescribable in words. Death transforms you in a strange way. It makes you more accepting of it. It makes you love your loved ones love more. Death will eventually come to each one of us, so try to stop thinking about it.. When it has to come, it will come and take us away from our family, our friends. Till that time comes, embrace your life, tell the people close to you how much you love them.So do it NOW - kya pata kal ho na ho". Go ahead say your love you's and enjoy your life as if there is no tomorrow. "As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters."
    Regards,
    Sunita Jharna Nayak

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  39. death is one thing which everyone one fears abt!!...
    after started working here in med i have seen so many serious cases tht i feel those who get a sudden death are the luckiest!!...
    best thing is to live a day at a time..!!:)

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  40. Balvinder Singh: I find it really surprising u r able to see life so gamely. Hats off!!!!!!

    Pujathakur: My fears are very similar to urs, so tht was no rant...u were just voicing my innermost thought:-). God Bless U too!!!!!!

    Rinki: Thank U....ur perspective makes so much sense. I'm so sorry to hear about ur father. I can only imagine ur state of mind & like u said "As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters." Thank U for sharing them with me.

    Brocasarea: Given the field u work in, it must be usual to see it happen more than the rest of us. I guess u develop a thicker veneer to cope with it. Believe me I dont envy u 1 bit:-(.
    And like how u & most of the others suggested "best thing is to live a day at a time"

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  41. I do.

    I am also scared of dying..and also scared of any harm to my loved ones..

    mere thought of death makes me realize that this very moment is important...and I should be happy abt it...cribbing is endless..abt job..abt society..abt government...but we should be happy to be alive at this very moment..

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  42. Nancy,

    That is a great post again.Death has not scared me at any point of time till date.But one thing that scares the hell out of me is the way in which am gonna die.I always keep thinking about it and wonder if I will have a peaceful death. I don wanna be bed ridden for long becoming a burden for the loved ones(Now U might say, we are never a burden for loved ones :)) But All I want is to pass away without troubling anyone. Do you think that can happen? (Raised eye brows ;))

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  43. i came back to read it today (that day there was a mini-thunderstorm going on in my mind). it's a grim thought... what i do when i have such thoughts is go hug my parents, call up my bro and friends for just a simple "hi, wassup". then i do one of the things from my long to-do list. it makes me feel so much better after that :)

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  44. death does not scare me. At least, the idea of me dying does not. I believe in re-births, and I believe that death is just the end of one journey, but the beginning of another. But then again, that is my belief.

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  45. Nancy, I know how it feels like when someone u love the most is suddenly no more in this world. My mother died of cancer when I was 12. Though I was very young, I still remember the suffering she had to go through. I have seen her dying little by little each and every day. That was heart wrenching. Now I am 26 and childhood memories are fading away. Remembering my mother now feels like it was some distant dream that was could never be true. :(

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  46. Reading the very word "death" makes me dead-scared, let alone the death of near and dear ones.

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  47. My uncle died 4 years ago and I still can't believe the fact! Worse thing is his wife is still not in her senses :(

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  48. I have always asked God about how does He justify an untimely death? Yet to find an answer. I had touched it in my blog in the past with sentiments echoing what you said - "I didn’t feel so bad when my grandfather passed away at 98 but when I hear of people, even strangers dying in their prime I’m terribly upset."

    Don't know what more to say - just that I try to live everyday as if its my last day. But I can afford to think so as I do not have any strings attached yet, but I know after I have a family of my own and people I am supposed to take care of, I would not want to die.

    Nice post, makes one appreciate life much more.

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  49. Hey Nancy,

    I know a lot of people who are as scared, if not more, of death as you are. Though my point of view is quite different. I think practically, and for me, I'm not scared of death or how I'm going to die because I know I'm not immortal. I might live till tomorrow or I might live till I'm 150 years old, but I will die one day or the other, everyone knows that. The time I freak out completely is when I have nightmares of losing my loved ones; I've woken up screaming and sobbing to those nightmares. I pray I die before any of my loved ones because I know for a fact that I will not be able to bear something like that. The only thing that makes me nervous about death is, I dont want to leave my life incomplete. I want to be someone before I die, I want to accomplish my goals before I die. But then I dont even know how much time I have left, thats the only thing that scares me about my own death. I don't know if I will be able to complete my life before I pass away. And like some people have mentioned earlier, what about my secrets? What about things I want to tell people before I go? What happens to them? I dont want to leave things unfinished.. And thats why I share my passwords with my closest friends. Writing letters to everyone I know occurs to me sometimes, but it feels too morbid so I haven't sat down to do it yet. But I guess, if I knew when I'm gonna go, I would definitely write to my loved ones and leave them notes so they know everything I can't tell them right now.. And as far as accomplishing my goals go, I try to accomplish small things everyday so I can have whatever little sense of accomplishment on the day I die. And being nice to everyone would ensure that people remember you for all the right reasons..

    Just sharing my point of view, comments/criticism is welcome!

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  50. Death scares me to hell!
    I saw it more closely when my maamaji(my mom's younger bro) passed away years back.I was around 12years and didnt have the understanding to know how grave it was.Although when I saw what my grandparents,and my parents were going through then,I was very disturbed.But I never thought that was THE end.
    I started thinking about it seriously after my MIL's passing away.She died a very tragic death.She was much in pain.And it ached me to see how helpless she was that she couldnt even express herself properly and how helpless we were that we couldnt ease her pain.
    And then my Ammamma(grandmother)'s with whom I grew up passed away a year later.That was something I took a long long time to come to terms with.
    Now when I think of my parents,my pa-in-law& my husband theres always a lingering fear which gets worse by the day
    As for my Namnam,when I see small children being blown to pieces,battered to death in Iraq,Palestine,Kashmir or anywhere in the world,and even in AF tragedy when they said there were 8children on board I couldnt help thinking how bloody scared those little kids would have been.And I pray to God that no harm be done to my angel.May she outlive me,O God!No mother would want to live to see anything otherwise happen to her precious!

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  51. BTW,came back to tell you I'm out of my cahoots with Sindhu!

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  52. Prakhar: U r so right...death & sickness are not irreversable, sometimes just reading about somebody else's sorrows bring home to me how blessed I am & that I must make the most of these moments.
    "we should be happy to be alive at this very moment.."
    yes...oh yes u r bang on target here;-)

    Kiran Kallakuri: "All I want is to pass away without troubling anyone."
    If nobody cried over us, it doesnt say much about the people we are, right:-))???
    But like u said...I too spend moments wondering how I'll go;-P. Yes I too want a quick death but not so sudden that I dont have time to ask the good Lord to forgive me & reserve a place in Heaven;-D

    Snow: Awww...the simplest of things to do & the best:-)).

    Sonia: Ur belief....as in what ur mind believes or ur religious belief????

    Appu: I cant even begin to imagine the enormity of ur loss. Just want to tell you I'm so sorry....what you went thru is every child's nightmare. And thank you for sharing it with me.

    Elegant Chic: I'm so sorry about ur aunt.....some people make so much impact in our lives that it is difficult to accept their non-presence.

    Niedhie: Thank U for understanding...I've realised after writing the post & from the many comments here that most people are scared of watching their loved ones die. I on the other hand have not actually dwelt on tht part[mayb I'm unconsciously not even accepting tht probability].
    I'm more terrified who will look after the children....so sure that nobody will look after them LIKE I DO. Though I'm also aware tht everybody will cry for a while but life will continue. But still the fear lingers.

    Harsha: That was a passionate comment:-)....u sure have given death a lot of thought. It reminds me of a stupid thing I once did. A puppy once bit me when I was in school & I didnt tell anybody about it for fear that they'll make me take 13 injections for rabies. After a few days of monitoring myself I sort of forgot abt it. Around a month later, I come across this article where I read tht people bitten by dogs could be affected my rabies within a period of 3 months. I tell u Harsha, the next 2 months I lived in fear. Finally I told my frinds mom[a doc], she gave me a shelling of my life & then pacified me tht there was no need to fear at all as it was just a puppy & tht too a domesticated one & if there was any effect it wd have been vidible a lot earlier.
    What I actually meant tell here was tht I remember the agony & king-sized emotions of a teenager & it has never quite left my mind;-P.
    And I'm quite in awe of ur single-mindedness regarding the accomplishment of ur goals. Here's hoping u make it great!!! Way to go I say;-D!!!!!!

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  53. There's this totally bakwaas film called 'Tuck Everlasting', but it has one dialogue that made an impression on me, which goes something like: Do not fear death, fear the unlived life.

    Like you, its not death at an old age, but dying before time that I fear. And for those of us who have to live with the loss of a loved one, I think we each grieve in our own way so none of us can ever fully understand what the other goes through. The best we can do is just be there for each other, just to listen or to give a hug or for any of the other small things that really make life, and time takes care of the rest.

    Time does heal, if you want to be healed. And the latter part is really important: you have to want to move on. Its not that you forget the deceased or stop loving them or that the pain ever goes away completely, but as long as you have been given life, I think you should live it. I lost my grandfather some years ago & I certainly don't think his soul would be happy if we kept moping; in fact it was my dad's 50th bday just a month after he passed & we did celebrate. We didn't call people, but they came anyway & we did have a good time bcoz that's what my granddad would've wanted - that we continue living normally.

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  54. Oh God...this is like me writing this!!

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  55. my thoughts exactly nancykins.
    why would not anyone do me the honor too? like another comment, no one but you can put this interesting spin so well:-)

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  56. Deeps: I really feel for u...being witness to so many tragedies. Tho I knw we all have to witness this in our lifetime I'm still so scared.
    My feelings are exactly the same abt children...my eyes without fail sting when I see little children displayed without any sensitivity in the newspapers. I think of my children & my heart squeezes in fear.

    Shalom: "Time does heal, if you want to be healed. And the latter part is really important: you have to want to move on."
    Agree with u totally here....we can choose to dwell on the loss & make our existing life miserable. This happened to my friend who had to bear a very traumatic time after her husband lost his parent. It took him almost 2 years to come out of it & others around him were victims of his moods.

    Saima: I guess I just put down a few thoughts which unconsciously run in most of our minds:-).

    lan: I'm prepared to swear that u wrote this comment for my post on plagiarizim;-D

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  57. Hey Nancy! My nightmare is dying a violent death - Don't want to elaborate. A little while ago, I chanced upon a book called Many Masters Many Lives, which explains what happens during and after death. I am not sure whether I take the book seriously or not, but it is no doubt a reassuring one. Oh ... and a big tight for Appu.

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  58. Thethoughtfultrain: "My nightmare is dying a violent death" My thoughts are almost the same except tht I wd hate to go thru a long drawn out illness before dying.
    U knw I never noticed that the HUG was not there until u pointed it out & I second ur "A big tight hug for Appu".

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  59. MY belief. I'm not very religious. I've read too many books about religion to be religious. :o)

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  60. Sonia: LOL....u've got a valid point;-))

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  61. I believe, once we are born, death is the only certainty....when and how are not known and that is what probably most people fear.

    I do however believe that it is better to live each day as it comes rather than live each day in fear of dying, because then one dies everyday and cannot live life the way it is meant to be lived.

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  62. JP Joshi: "when and how are not known and that is what probably most people fear."
    Exactly & also wht happens after that....I kind of dont like the whole idea of been buried under the ground:-(

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