The baddest words of them all

Nikita: Mama what is the meaning of f***????

Mama[shocked]: Where did you hear this???

Nikita[8yrs]: I've seen it written on the walls.

Naina[6yrs]: And the big boys in the bus are using it all the time??? Is it a bad word???

I take a deep breath. I was expecting this question but not so soon. How am I supposed to explain a word like that to my children?

“Yes it is a bad word. Dont ever use it when u speak” I explain.

“Then why are those boys using it??? Are they BAAD boys????” asks Naina eye-eyed.

“No they are not bad boys, they are saying it unknowingly. Maybe their parents did not tell them not to use it like I have told u. Well-brought up children NEVER use that word in their conversations” I stressed.

They were impressed with the gravity of my tone and nodded vigorously to everything I said. I wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to say but that was all I could come up with at the spur of the moment.

Almost a week later….

“Mama today was a terrible day !!!! Momataasim said the BADDEST thing to me in class today” said Naina tearfully to me when she came back from school.

Momataasim* was Naina’s classmate who according to her was the baddest boy in the whole world & the bane of Naina’s existence. I looked at her concerned, hoping he didn’t use a bad word whose meaning I didn’t even want to think about let alone explain “You should just ignore these things. What did he say???”

Naina hesitated for a few minutes & after a bit of cajoling mumbled “He said 'I love You' to me!!!!”

People, u should have seen my face….I don’t know what I was expecting the BAAD word to be but it was not certainly this. My child was looking at me very miserably as if she was part of something very shameful.

I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing. And Naina looked at me surprised.

I then controlled myself and explained gently “Naina its ok. He likes you and wants to be friends with you & so he told his feelings in the only way he probably knew. The next time he tells you something like this why don’t you tell him that you’ll be friends with him???”

“But mama I don’t like him, I don’t want to be friends with him” cried Naina miserably.

“Naina, please don’t say things like that. All your classmates are your age & only if you be friends with them will you enjoy going to school.”

2 days later….

Naina gets off the school bus in a foul mood.

“He wants to be doctor” bursts out Naina as soon as we reach home.

“Who, what???” asks Mama confused.

“Teacher asked what we want to be when we grow up and Momataasim wants to be a doctor” cries Naina almost in tears.

“So” Mama looks befuddled.

“You know I want to be a nurse when I grow up & now with him going to be a doctor he’ll be irritating me all my life” wails Naina frustratedly.

The penny clicked and I started grinning automatically but quickly controlled my amusement coz I knew my daughter would not take kindly to my laughing at her predicament.

“Naina, there are so many hospital in Dubai, we’ll find out which hospital Momataasim works in and then we’ll choose another hospital for you to work”.

The tears cleared magically and she looked happier.

Later when I called Naina’s teacher up regarding some matter I enquired about the boy who was giving my daughter no peace. And what do u know, Momataasim according to her, was a smart little boy who stood first in class and participated in all the activities…..yes ofcourse he was naughty but then all boys that age were naughty weren’t they???

I was impressed & thought wryly that I knew something else which the teacher didn’t – he also had good taste in women.

A few days later….

“Mama you know what Momataasim did today, whenever I turned back to look he would place his hands around his mouth and whisper “I Love You” Nobody can hear it but I can make out.” said Naina irritatedly.

“Naina if he bothers you that much why do you turn back to look. Just ignore him” I told her sensibily.

Dont know why but I was beginning to get a bit edgy. Though I laughed & handled the Naina-Momataasin episodes casually, inwardly I was quite concerned. If they were teenagers I could understand the raging hormones and deal with it accordingly……no I don’t harbour hopes they’ll listen 100% but atleast the matter could be discussed. These are just 5 and 6 yrs old and they are exchanging conversations like this.

I am under no illusions about my kids……..though they are still untouched by the real ways of the world, they know far more than I did when I was their age. For instance, almost a year back on the way back home from the bustop they found a torn piece of pink cardboard[a toy wrapper I guess] which had www.barbie.com printed on it. They badgered me continuously for a week before I gave in & registered them there. They also know most of life's little problems can be solved by a webpage called Google. Now they tell me there is something called 'u-tube' which has all sorts of fun stuff which they can watch. As of now I have pronounced u-tube as unsafe, something which produces a dangerous virus which attack computers & renders them completely useless. Nikita smells a rat but is not confident enough to argue. But I know very soon that they’ll catch me out.

Children nowadays are exposed to a lot. And in my opinion the television is the main culprit…..the vividly coloured images of scantily dressed women & men gyrating to music, sports like WWE which encourage them into thinking punching eachother is cool, advertisements like fairness beauty-creams and a few biscuit ads are so suggestive that it sickens me. Dammit, its just a biscuit….there are so many ways to present it, what is the need to add a sensual angle to it. Makes me yearn for those Doordarshan days.

And it’s not like I let them watch anything & everything. They get 1 hr of tv suited to their age-group every other day but I’m quite disappointed that barring an odd one or two, I cannot watch a single English or Indian movie in their presence. Every film either has either embarrassing physical demonstrations of love or violence or ghosts or….the list goes on.

To a certain extent living in a safe place like UAE calms my fears. It’s an Islamic country  which lives by a moral code[far more relaxed than most] & expects all the people living in it to adhere to it. Many find it restricting but the average family finds it comforting. The crime rate is quite low compared to many countries, scenes containing nudity in movies are deleted, communication lines like the internet provide information freely but at the same time block a lot of unwanted sites. Ofcourse those who want to will find ways to access it but an average child will not be able to find it immediately.

Nurturing children in a safe and secure environment until they find their feet seems to me like an unrealistic dream. Ofcourse I’m not expecting a utopia kind of life and also know there is no point comparing it to our times....but is it so naive of me to expect a reasonably stree-free environment for my children.

But like they say, Change is the only constant thing in our lives. It’s not easy but we have to learn to deal with it as it comes. So deal with it, we will!!!!

Coming back to the worrying problem which set me off on this track….

Almost a week passed by and when there were no more complaints forthcoming, curiosity prompted me to ask…

“Is Momataasim behaving himself now???”

“Oh Taasim is ok Mama, he is actually very nice. I shared my mentos with him today” says Naina casually.

“Huh….when did Naina start calling him Taasim” wondered Mama nervously.

“How come you are saying nice things about him now???” I ask cautiously.

“He’s helping me do all my tests correctly. Shall I also tell him I love him Mama???”

I groped for the nearest chair and sank weakly into it.

“My class is so boring compared to Naina’s" Nikita’s voice wistfully floated from across the room

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I know, I know this is just the beginning.

*his name is spelt differently but I’ve written it like how Naina pronounces it