Thursday, 5 November 2009

Butt of all jokes

Scenario No.1: I could be cutting veggies in the kitchen with my back turned towards the kitchen door.

Scenario No.2: I could be bending down & taking the clothes out from the washing machine.

Scenario No 3: I could be standing 3 inches away from the television and closely following the climax of a movie.

It could be anyone of the above scenes……..but the end remains the same.

My daughters[either 1 of them] would come from behind & give my butt a gentle thwack and giggle in glee.

“Don’t do that” I’d say impatiently.

“Sauwrieee” they’d laugh & dodge out of the way…..until the next time. And I would keep thinking that something has to be done before they get out of hand. Just imagine if they started doing it in front of other people.

Both Nikita & Naina have their own ways in which they conduct this time-pass activity. Nikita who knows very well that I don’t like it often just gently patted it….it was almost as if she couldn’t help it. But Naina, she approached it more matter of factly…...those tiny fists would have a go at the highlighted area like a boxer & the mouth would chant in rhythm “Dishoom, dishoom, dishoom”. I’d then pretend to reach for the stick and she’d vanish from there like an elf who smelt trouble.

And they do it to my tummy too. I actually find the whole thing funny but am always careful to hide the fact. I certainly don’t want them thinking that my body parts were made for their entertainment. Just a hint of a smile & they’ll be all over me……and so I generally do the headmistress act.

Oh and the questions I get…..

“Why is your tummy so….so big Mama????” is usually ignored the 1st time it is asked. But even after 2 minutes the child is standing there expectantly waiting for an answer I sigh & tell her “My tummy was very flat in the beginning…..just like urs. But as you grew inside, my tummy had to grow to make space for u”

“Ooooohhhhh, so that’s why, but..... after I came out why didn’t your tummy go back to being flat???”

“I have no clue baby….it is the many mysteries of nature of which I have no control over” I mutter as I avoid her eyes.

I then change the topic & she lets it be. But one day when she patted my tummy affectionately and poked one finger hard into the middle just the way I do after I knead chapatti atta into a smooth ball. I knew the time had come for a serious talk.

“When I was around your age I used to do the same to my mama” I began.

“Do what Mama????” asks Nikita all bewildered.

“I too used to always make fun of my mama’s stomach, always patting it & irritating her, just like how you and Naina do to me,” I said carefully.

“And then???” asks Nikita interestedly.

“Then my mama used to tell me that if I did not stop making fun of her, one day I would get a bigger stomach than hers but I never listened” I said dolefully.

“And” prompts Nikita fascinated.

“And………..what she said came true” I said mournfully.

I let the silence stretch & watched while the implications of making fun of me sunk in.

“But I’m not fat like u” ventures Nikita hesitantly.

“When I was your age I was thinner than u” said I, drawing a stick-figure on the wall with my finger to emphasize the fact.

My sweet little girl got so jacked that after that day she has never mentioned or disrespected my butt or tummy again. And I patted myself on the back.

Naina[6 yrs] who was not around when the above conversation took place continued to exercise her rights. Since she is a good 2 & a 1/2 years old younger than her sister I used to let it go with a warning. But she was getting more adventurous by the day that I was forced to enact the above drama once again for her benefit.

As soon as I concluded she went into a fit of giggles. Obviously the drama & its dangerous implications did not have the same impact on her. Then when I put on this sad smiley expression she quickly straightens her face and exclaims “Mama I was trying to help you”.

“I was actually helping you push it back in” Naina looks carefully into my face to see whether I swallowed her story. She then gives me 2 quick pats as proof of her dedication and darts out of the room almost as if she expected the level of conversation to deteriorate if she stood there a minute longer. I laughed so much that day.

Hmmm……yeh tho apni ma ki ma ki ma nikhli…...kuch aur sochna padega*

* Hmmm....she turned out to be her mother's grandmother......have to come up with something else


  1. LOL.. Nice one Nancy :)
    My mom used always say the story that i will become fatter than her when i grow up and i never believed her :)

    Do post about the new story u cook up to convince ur little girl :)

  2. He he ...ROFL.....tht was a good one by Naina...whoa !!!But Nancy ur story was also not bad,...he he..I am still laughing...GOOD POST NANCY,,.... :)

  3. Ha Ha Ha!! I am just imagining your situation and i am not able to control my laughter.

    good Post nancy!!

  4. LOL!!No doubt where your kids got their wisdom and humour from!! Wonderful story you weaved. Nancy style! pucca!!

  5. Lifeismystery: LOL ur mom did tht to u too huh;-D

    Actually I'm fresh out of ideas....I'm depending on u all to gimme some support;-D

    Prabodh: Hello, my story was a 'real' story which my mum used to try to scare me with...just tht I never ever believed her;-D.
    And thank U:-))!!!!!!

    Never Ending Memories: Even today I was smiling to myself while typing it out.
    Thank U;-))!!!!!

    Athivas: Oh the kids are already 2 steps ahead of me;-o. Thank U Savitha:-))!!!

  6. Lol:) are incorrigible Nancy:) always make me body parts were made for their entertainment...haha

  7. Glad it made u laugh Renu;-D!!!!

  8. after I came out why....hehe killer one :D ...nancy chechi , don't try to fool kiddus...they are too smart and also after all they are your kids,so genes must be there
    “I was actually helping you .... ...haaaaaa choo chweet .

    yeahh zaroor sochna padega :D

  9. ROFL Nance! U n ur humour - awesome ;)
    Naina beats u @ it though :P Superb humour-queen she is ;)

  10. ROFL.....Nancy, I dont who is more funnier, YOU or YOUR WONDERFUL DAUGHTERS !!!!!!

    An absolute delightful narrative. Just loved it !!!!

    Naina's trying to push it in, eh !!!! ROFL !!!!!

    I was intrigued at the title - but it was so apt and hilarious joke to follow suit.

  11. i can understand how much joy one gets after poking your loved one from behind without his/her knowledge. I do that often to my wife by walking silently behind her in the kitchen when she is busy cooking. Every time i do that, she reacts as if some wild animal has pounced on her.

    Nancy, keep up with such entertaining stories. It makes my day

  12. Ahhh.. that is the story that you should tell 8 year olds... let me also try! :D I love Naina though! She's amazing!!!

  13. this was extremely funny...i had good laugh :-)

    they say na - bacche baap ke bhi guru :-)

    its true in ur story :-)and why now she has ur gene only :-)

  14. Anishthomas: Sirf sochea math...mujhe bhi bataana;-D

    Swaram: Naina is getting too big for her boots;-/
    And thank U for the compliment:-)!!!

    Umsreflection: Hehe the idiom felt just apt for the occasion hence used it as the title;-D.
    And thank U :-))!!!!

    Balvinderji: LOL u do that to ur wife....ok I'll tell u something but please dont tell anybody husband does it to me like how a nurse uses the pump in a BP machine...and yeah even I jump a mile when he creeps into the room and does it;-/

    Wannabewriter: LOL the 8yr olds are far more inoocent & believing than the 6 yr olds;-o

    Rashmi: Hehe dont another few years ur little one will start giving u a few 'lessons';-D

  15. Your younger one takes after you without a trace of doubt ;-) Even if she does have a tummy bigger than yours, she's gonna end up feeding you a fantasy story you'll have no choice but to believe!

    Tooo funny for words. I know I'm having a loud laugh at your expense & I'm sorry.

    Yummy post mommy!!!! :-) Cheers.

  16. Ha ha! U were not second time lucky, huh??? Only Nikita will buy your stories. Next time make sure u have both of them around when u are telling such scary stories. May b Nikita will convince Naina that it is true. Kids have a way of getting thru to each other.

    But then, u will have it if it happens the other way around! Ha ha!

  17. OMG! Nancy, I love the way you write these things, its the style I love! Witty and bam to the point! You are one smart girl I would have never thought of that clever idea. I probably would have poked them back! oh my your 2nd one seems just like u- witty!!!! Hugs to both of them. Wait hugs to the 1st one and hi-five to the second one!!!

  18. Had real fun reading it... and very wisely you atleast diverted one of them... !!! :D :D :D

    My son has a habit of rubbing my wife's palms... and she is at wits end on how to stop him... while outside he doesnt... but at home .. sigh.. we have tried shaam, daam, dand, bhed.. but to no avail..

    and I read the whole thing.. its very well written.. :)

  19. lol @ ur little ones!!...thts y i like children..their pure heart and innocence!!..

    here when i see bp of some ladies[preg] their older ones[around 5-6yrs] watch me with such enthu tht i literally smile at them!!.:)

  20. heheh u have written it well... ahh hope my tummy goes bac in i certainly wont hav ur patience for telling stories :P

  21. Was eagerly reading the post to know wat actually happened and had a good laugh in the end...
    Naina does share your wits :-)

  22. Is there an award out there where I can crown you as the mistress of spreading abandoned laughter? If there is, then please wear it! :D

    Naina is a smart cookie! Oh!You've some competition missy :)

    P.S: Hmmmm...did you enrol at those yoga classes? :p

  23. Butterfly: Oh u bet it will be the latter;-D

    SJ: Thank U for the lavish compliments;-D. Oh I've been tempted to poke them back many times but just didnt want to encourage them into thinking poking was legal;-/. Will pass on ur kisses and high-five's;-))!!!!

    Hitchwriter: I'll give u a suggestion tho I'm not sure how far it will soon he goes to do this to his mother she must do it first to him. I bet he'll get tired of it after sometime;-D
    And thank U:-))!!!!!

    Brocasarea: What pure hearts are u talking about.....they are full of mischeif and "Lets make Mama mad" plans;-o!!!

    Enigma: The ones who think they dont have the patience are the ones who r going to fall the hardest;-D

    SandhyaS: Naina is getting too big for her chappels and thts what is happening;-/. But thank U for the compliment;-D!!!!!

    Sparkling: Oh I'm sure there is such a crown if one searches hard enough;-D. Thank U!!!
    And nope not yet....there's still a few more days to go;-P

  24. This was excellent!! I laughed so hard- and admired your 'skillful' story telling which at least took care of half the situation :)....You'll have to let us know if you come up with another tale to hinder Naina from continuing her 'helping you by pushing it back in'- ha ha- that part made me laugh so hard. Your children are adorable.

  25. Hahahhahahahaah !!!! The story is awesome :) and naina is even more awesome :).

  26. total rofl..oh my...what a smart kid :D...have you come up with something else for her?;)

  27. I look up to you as my guru to tackle my son and his weird questions. ROFL at Naina...too smart haan...gone after her dad??

    The way you tell these stories is amazing. Never knew a butt poking incident could be so funny. You know once I told my son that he was in my stomach before he came out into the world and he used to kick inside me. The boy said why did you have to keep me should have done what Kangaroos do and I would have been a much happier baby :(

  28. Nance, Ha..ha..ha..ha..

    I tell you that little girls are cruel. I have one at home and I know the torture she gives me.

    The butt slapping in my home is done by me. I butt slap my daughter and call it cute baby bum. She hates it. :)))

  29. Ha ha ha,
    U know what? My sister and me would do that to our mum too.
    Poaking in her stomach!* poor ma!
    Had a good laugh reading your post!
    Naina s smart! very smart.. :)

  30. haha...Naina is super smart na? :)

  31. ROFL!!!

    Kids these days can outsmart us in a matter of seconds!!!

    Waiting to read what story u cook up for them next ;-)

  32. Hmmmm, what does it say about my sis & me that at (almost) 21 & 25 respectively, we still poke our mum in her tummy????

    I like your story though (Shalom mentally files it away for the day when her daughter is sure to do the same thing :D)

  33. lol. i love reading about ur girls, really. this was funny.. naina has got ur wits eh?

  34. Now thats something she must try!!!!!

    i hope it works !!

  35. I really miss my mum after reading your post. Hilarious Nance!

  36. I used to like doing that too and I still kinda do it with my elder sister ;) Old habits die hard I guess...

  37. thats y they r called innocent....mischief without harm intention!!:)

  38. Anjuli: Unlike Nikita, Naina somehow doesnt accept everything I say as the whole truth;-(. I guess the only method which is left to try is "No means NO";-P
    And thank U:-))!!!!!

    Prashanthi: And I self-proclaim myself as the awesomest;-D. Glad u enjoyed it!!!!!

    Titaxy: Nope;-(....gimme some ideas;-D

    Sakshi: Compared to my simple mind the better-half's mind is like Abhimanyu's chakraview;-o....hmmm come to think of it Naina must have inherited some of his genes.
    Ur son sounds old is he??? U be on ur toes, boys are not as easy to convince like the girls;-D

    Solilo: Hehe and I used to love watching them parade around wearing only pampers...used to put some music on and watch them wriggle their cute lil bums. I think I must been the only mum who heaved a big sign of despondency when it was time to wean them off diapers;-(

    Swathy: U too huh:-D!!!Thank U:-))!!!!

    Sunshine: No way...her mom is smarter....just need a few days to execute a new plan;-D

    Smita: No more ideas...just a bit of plain speaking is going to a big fat NO;-D

    Shalom: Seriously there's something so naughty and comforting about poking mummy in the stomach. The only difference is that I dont do it in front of the kids & on the other side I dont tell my mom tht the kids do the same to me. I dont want them in cohoots;-o

    ISH: Since its a back-handed compliment I'm mighty pleased to hear it;-D

    Hitchwriter: Let me know if it works;-D

    Shades of Grey: Send mommy a poking email or a poke-poke card...she'll love it;-D

    Dhanya: Wow ur elder sister sounds really sweet.....if my younger sister ever did something like tht I'd have poked her in the ribs;-o

    Brocasarea: Yeah I did get what u meant....but try living with them 24 hrs and soon u'll sing a different tune;-D

  39. My favourite passtime then and now is putting my ear to my Dad's and Mom's tummy (my mom's is flat still) and listen to the sounds that keep erupting from inside...

    See ur younger is helping u and u are pouring out moral stories to her!! Very bad very bad :))))))


  40. rofl! so much to learn from u b4 i start a fam :D m gonan keep ur blog as my bible wen i grow my kids i say!

  41. Awwww, sweet! I love your kiddos, Nancy :-D

  42. LOL LOl..Nancy--I soooo enjoyed this post!! :)
    Mine also do all kinds of things :D
    Will post someday :)
    Smiling so much after reading this :)

  43. well, your older daughter too is no less, asking you why your tummy did not go in after she came out?! Very witty question!!

  44. Nan, you and your daughters together are so pricelessly funny!! :D I was giggling away to glory at this post!! :D God, I can't stop!!! :D :D :D :D

  45. Dishoom Dishoom - Where did they learn that from? From Daddy??? ;-)

    And obviously, she's YOUR daughter... What did you expect? :D

  46. I don't know why? After seeing the promos of 3 Idiots where Amir, Madhavan and other guys touching the butts( of course the seat's shape was like that) and reading your post....thrilled with the experience.....No Noooooooooooo.....I control myself knowing the consequences!!!!Had a good laugh Nancy.

    Last week I read an article about Birth order and behaviour. No two individuals/kids will have the same attitude,charactor,trait,perspective evenif they live and raised in the same surrondings. I have a proof here now. Chakkarumma to your little one. She knows how to tackle her mummy.

  47. hahaha ROFL that was too good!!! love your stories, heart <3 your blog :D and this line was a gem "drawing a stick-figure on the wall with my finger to emphasize the fact." love your stories! oh did i say that already? :D haha

  48. Ha ha we all know who Naina takes after :-)
    Kids these days are our grandmother's grandmothers.
    Reminded me of my daughter after she got the first few spanks from me. Now after doing anything wrong, she comes running then turns around and shows me her bum saying,'amma, some, spank me' and then runs off saying 'ammene pattiche'

  49. Ha ha we all know who Naina takes after :-)
    Kids these days are our grandmother's grandmothers.
    Reminded me of my daughter after she got the first few spanks from me. Now after doing anything wrong, she comes running then turns around and shows me her bum saying,'amma, some, spank me' and then runs off saying 'ammene pattiche'

  50. Ashes: Ur mom has a flat stomach....she must be really good shape:-o.
    If my younger one helps me anymore I'll soon need cruches to move around;-P

    Elegant Chic: Awww thanks:-))!!!

    Former Sansmerci: No point girl....what works for me may not do anything for u. U just need to prepare urself to 'expect the unexpected';-D

    Agnes: I love them too;-D!!!

    Preethi Shenoy: Please do. Would love to read it. And thank U:-))!!!

    Roshni: U r right...the older one is wayyyy smarter...she knows when to stop asking;-P

    thethoughtfultrain: ;-D

    Lan: Thank U;-))!!!!!

    Rakesh: Hehe daddy doesn't believe in himsa in any form...he gets his way thru other means;-D.

    Maddy: Oh I saw tht promo too....funnny nah;-D.
    And u r right...both are different like chalk and cheese. But if they get together they are like dynamite;-/

    Snow: Oh but I really was....a stick-like figure u knw;-(.
    And thank U:-))!!!!

    Wanderlust: U bet;-o. And ur daughter sounds so naughty and shhoooooo shwweeeet;-D. I cd picture tht scene u described sooo well;-D.

  51. I think the younger ones are always the cheekier ones :)... who else can get away with endless teasing, poking and then escaping when there is a risk of the conversation level deteriorating :)

    Adorable post!

  52. IHM, u bet they are;-/.
    Thank U:-))!!!

  53. hee heee hawww.... rotfl... seriously Nancy, you're too much... especially, that wink ;-) at the end had me in splits !

  54. Ahhh Nancy believe me its gonna be a tough and hard fall for me for sureeee!!!! Ohh boy god knows wats in store for me!!!

  55. Rakesh: I cdnt resist answering it;-D

    Enigma: My lips are sealed:-D!!!!

  56. oh my god Nancy!! You had me laughing like crazy!!!
    I made my Mom also read it :) she also laughed and laughed and laughed!! :D

  57. Saima, so good to see u, glad ur mom and you enjoyed the post;-D

  58. lol...the younger ones don't fall 4 it so easily (m the youngest one in the family :D:D:D)

  59. aha! We younger siblings are usually harder to handle :P

  60. rolling away on floor laughing,Nance! Naina is one smart girl!
    Good that you brought this post,you know.this is a good enough alert for me to be prepared for my li'l one if and when she comes up with a time-pass activity of this kind. Do let me know though when you think of an alternate story :)

  61. OMG OMG You cracked me up completely. ROFL. Looking forward to part 2 :D

  62. nancy, this was too too funny! what a stress buster your lil girl is :)...

  63. LOL

    This is so funny :D

    I can almost imagine by kiddo asking the same questions or doing the same things 10 yrs later on the potbelly that I'd have developed by then.

    Gotta hit the gym right away!!!

    This is scary as well.

  64. Bluntedges: U r speaking from experience huh;-D!!!!

    Meira: As an elder sister myself, I always thought the younger ones needed a sound spanking atleast once a week;-/

    Deeps: I can give it to u in writing tht ur lil one will definitely try it out atleast once. So watch out;-D!!!

    BlueMist, Suma, Masood: Glad u got a few laughs out of it;-D

  65. Hi Nancy, I can totally relate to the above mentioned instances....although my girls are too cautious in approaching the subject and never really go that far, afraid of my reaction I guess but I do hear some tongue in cheek comments and questions and a bit daring ones from the little one hahaha agree with you on younger ones being more hard to scare ones...

    hey am flying to india for couple of weeks to see my ma and pa, chck my post, let me know how you liked it.

    You have a great week and weekends!!!

  66. LOL even urs huh;-D!!!
    And u take care & have a good trip:-))!!

  67. That was one great read Nancy. Your girls are naughty and cute. And they bet you to your reasoning ;), but good try...

  68. Lakshmi they are getting better at it every passing day...have to be on super-alert mode to be on top of things;-)

  69. hahahaha! ur kids are adorable....its probably the 100th time i say that to u :) but its so true! and whats also true is that kids say the darnest things but sometimes the stories the motehrs make up for them are superduper cool! :D

    i can almost imagine this story taking on a urban legend avtaar for ur family with ur daughters re-telling it to theirs :)

  70. Loved it, i get that too.... :)

  71. Limenlemons: LOL not very sure I want my butt stories being passed on from generation to if it was about my capabilities and big heartedness I cd have tolerated it I s'ppose;-D

    Preethi: LOL U too huh;-D

  72. LOL! Came over from Hitchy's blog and thoroughly enjoyed reading this. My lil one uses me as a punching bag too! And I can't even give him this logic, as he is a boy!!!!

  73. LOL...girls are no less really just tht my elder one is bit more gullible than the younger;-P. Welcome to my space:-))!!!!

  74. This made to the final selection for voting :) Good Luck

  75. Thanks Nu for letting me know...seriously I wdnt have had a clue otherwise:-)


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