Thursday, 23 October 2008

So what’s the catch???????

I resigned from my present company around 3 weeks back. I didn’t at all want to resign. I was pressurized into it. Nope, its nothing like what you are thinking. Everybody in the company begs(in the manner of speaking) me to stay; the HO offered me a higher package in a bid to entice me to stay. I was all too willing but for my better-half.

Yeah I’m holding it against him. I’m so angry with him for doing this to me. The fact that he has valid reasons does not hold any water right now. I’m hopping mad. So why did I resign if I didn’t want to? The same reason why I always end up doing what he wants. I hate to admit it but his foresight is far superior to mine. It has always rescued us from tight situations & saved us a lot of heart-ache.

He told me to give my resignation with 1 months notice in August but I dug my heels in & told him all the reasons why I wanted to keep working.
His reasons were many but his explanation was simple “The children need you to be with them”. Heart of hearts I knew it too but then what about ME????

For more than 7 years I was a stay at home mother who kept house & looked after not only my kids but also my in-laws who stayed with us then. I patiently waited for my 2nd child to start school & only then went back to work. I compromised with the type of job I took, simply because of the close proximity of the office from my house. I enjoy my work but do admit that I suffer pangs of guilt when I think about the kids.

I raged, begged, cajoled in turn but he never budged from his decision. In the end I gave in mutinously around a month back(yeah, yeah I know he is right but what about ME???)

I put forward my own terms half hoping it will turn him off.

1. I want to work till the end of the year.
2. I want a broad band Internet connection at home(I 'almost' never go online when I’m at home, so we never felt the need to upgrade the Dial-up connection till today. YES I have written all my posts at work:-D).
3. I want Dhs.****.** pocket-money every month.

The 1st 2 terms he agreed to immediately. I half regretted why I didn’t say 6 months notice.
But he put his foot down on the pocket-money. He said he didn’t see the need to give me any. All the money which came into the house was OURS & that was it. I agreed with him but explained I needed separate cash coz I had a few plans up my sleeve which I was going to pursue if I was going to sit at home full-time & I needed the confidence that the money was mine to spend as I saw fit.

He looked slightly alarmed at the way my brains were working. Ofcourse he did not agree & so it has been going on until this past week.

Then suddenly around 4 days back he agreed…...just like that.

I stared at him slack-jawed waiting for the conditions which usually comes with these kind of deals.

“There is none” he assured me quite amused at my disbelief.

Recovering slightly, I insisted “Say I agree”

“I agree” he said gravely.

“No, not like that, say I agree to give you Dhs.****.** EVERY MONTH” I said staring into his eyes to grasp his intentions.

“I agree to give you Dhs.****.** every month” he repeated without hesitation.

I sat back in total surprise.

After 2 minutes of silence…..

“Say I agree to give you Dhs.****.** before the 5th of every month”

“I agree to give you Dhs.****.** before the 5th of every month” he said dutifully.

At a loss for words, I went into the bedroom to sit down & take stock of the whole situation.

Five minutes later, I entered the living room in a rush….

“Say I agree to give you Dhs.****.** before the 5th of every month & will not borrow it back 3 days later like how I usually do"

I agree to give you Dhs.****.** before the 5th of every month & will not borrow it back 3 days later like how I usually do” he chanted in merriment.

I just couldn’t take it in. I mean…what’s the catch. Long before also I had asked for pocket money like this & he hadn’t budged. What caused this sudden change of mind after all these years & that too in these past few days?????
I woke him up from sleep 2 nights backs……

“Say I agree to give you Dhs.****.** before the 5th of every month, will not borrow it back 3 days later like how I usually do & will not ask you what u do with it”

I agree to give you Dhs.****.** before the 5th of every month, will not borrow it back 3 days later like I usually do & will not ask you what u do with it ” he repeated sleepily after me.

I’m still in shock. He NEVER commits to anything if he can. But if he does he keeps it 110%.

So what’s the catch??????????? What is it that I'm missing out here???

Where are all of u when I need u????????????



  1. Passing through. Read this very interesting piece. Hope you do not mind. I've been through this also with my wife (we've been married for 30 years plus), and I can say that men have a hard time with this pocket money bit.....

    I always wonder: 'why does my wife ask for a part, when the whole is hers too'. She always tells me, like you did, that 'this money is mine and you will never ask what I do with it'. It took me many years to just give in. I still don't understand the logic, but I respect her wish. That's it. Plain and simple. There is just no catch. Don't have any doubts and enjoy the pocket money!!!!!!!!!

  2. You wrote all your blog posts and comments during work time and the company begged you to stay offering you a raise? LOL

    Your husband wants to give you everything you ask for and you turn into Sherlock Holmes -- Nancy, you're so damn funny.

  3. ah be glad that it worked out.. dont miss on the happiness just coz u r looking for the catch..

    Possible scenario is he talked to his drinking buddy who made him realize what a gem you are.. nowadays marriages fail for stupid reasons and if this makes u happy so be it.. u r not asking for diamonds!

    umm i dunno.. ask him :D

  4. Well I do give my wife her allowance when I was working overseas but after 3 years abroad when my contract expired and a new one was drawn there was a slight revision on the allowance and my wife told me that I don't have to give the same amount(allowance stopped) as she had a considerable amount saved over the years...but the best part of all this is that my ATM card is with her and whenever I need money all I have to do is ask her....anyway my advise to husbands is that they should give without complaining as when in time of need....the wife would be there with the savings that she had done with the money given to her...besides what better way to get peace without the

    I guess the catch is that he realised that it is no big deal in giving the pocket is like another saving account and also to buy happiness....correct me if I am wrong...

  5. you to make a simple situation reeally complicated!! shudnt u just be happy he agreed?? :)

    maybe he finally saw the sense in your words...or maybe he really really really wants you to stay at home with the kids! :)

  6. I agree with your hubby that all the money coming into the house is both of yours, but I also feel that you definitely should have some to spend as you please.

    Money matters are never easy to handle, my own parents are quite similar to what you've described. But my dad also gives in after a few days, once he's had time to think about whatever mom has said and then he backs her 100%. So I don't think there's really a catch, maybe your hubby also just needed some time to work it out.

    But I loved the clauses you kept coming up with :D

  7. why is it that it is always the woman who has to sacrifice...why does he want you to quit your job...haven't you yet got a new nanny for your kids...why don't you do part-time job from home...lot of my frens do that...but its good that your hubby has agreed to all your conditions :)
    on 2nd thoughts, the kids do need you...i leave my 7 mnth old kid at home to come to work....and my heart bleeds every day, every moment when i think about him...

  8. now u sound like a 13 year old completely :)

    and sorry i cant help now .. will do once m married n get to kno how guys deal with these.. as of now this post adds to my already existing cold marriage so tuff ... sob sob

  9. hahhaah...funny post!!...i guess he agreed just like catch here!!

  10. There is no catch here my dear:) ur hubby loves u so much:), ur posts are always a delight to read.
    Even MY H in all 32 yrs of our marriage has never bothered about finances, verything is ours and I can do what i want, no restrictions on me, but yes I put restrictions to him:)...u know men are so careless and extravagant:)

  11. jp joshi: ofcourse I dont mind:-D. Read ur comment with gr8 interest infact.....I understand exactly what ur wife meant.
    So u r saying there's no catch huh...hmmmmmm

    agnes: yeah the company was not doing very well initially so there was not much work to do...thts when I starting blogging:-D.
    The husband is agreeing to everything unconditionally, which is precisely why the doubts are crowding in:-(

    winnie: "dont miss on the happiness just coz u r looking for the catch.."
    u do have a valid point;-P
    And I asked.....he just smiles mysteriously;-(

    sukku: wow ur wife sounds amazing;-O. And thank u for the input coz its important to get a man's point of view, in this case.

    sunshine: "trust you to make a simple situation reeally complicated!! "
    Point noted ur honour.
    Oh yes he really wants me to stay home with the kids. Well I do too:-D.

  12. First of all a Big thank you for keeping an eye on me!! Thanks for asking my whereabouts!!! reply in my post comment!!!( Of course this a catch....for you to visit my page!!LOL)

    Hats off to your Hubby who was so patiently chanted whatever you were saying.

    While echoing the comment of "scribbler" why is it that it is always the woman who has to sacrifice.....I think our society is not still matured enough to have a concept of "HOUSEHUSBAND".

    In my house also....its all our money concept exist, not because I am afraid of her spending but because I am fully aware how less she spends.So there is no separate pocket money for her though I wish she has some.

    I don't see any "catch" here, if it happens,let us know, we will remind him about the promises made in public!!( it is public now right)

    Good to know you will be online from home too. Have a splendid time at home. Still you can look for avenues of earning.All the very best!!!

  13. Still grinning reading your post! You ARE funny! Tell me how much money you demanded and let me see if I can guess the catch!!! :P hee hee.... well...anyways, I can see you have taken an important decision and I hope it works out great! All the best... you should do some stuff from home...and surprise him! :))

  14. Shalom: well I agree with tht too but some of my wants are such tht he doesnt consider them in the priority tht i do:-P
    Oh those clauses were born out of sheer disbelief;-)

    scribbler: these arguements wont work on him:-(....he'll just say "ok u bring in the income & I have no problems staying home:-P".

    And these partime jobs ur friends are doing from home....can u gimme details???I really am interested.

    sansmerci: Marriage is TOUGH, no doubts abt it but staying alone is tougher. Its just tht being alone for u is a like the known devil:-)

    prakhar: u r the 3rd guy who is telling me its official now. I'm going to believe u guys:-D

    renu: nope...pure bad luck here...he is totally careful & wise:-(. And I'm the one who gets the restrictions;-P.

  15. :) can imagine you all muddled up..! ya when all your demands are met, you somehow feel, mebe couldve asked for more, or IS there a catch, somewhere, or rather WHERE is the catch?!! :) rest assured there isnt any i guess, but as for staying home..a change of routine, change of mindset, a sea change i would think! :)

  16. kuch gadbad hain..dekho dekho..remember the song...u knw wen we get things our way easily we tend to look for pitfalls...m sure there is no catch..there better not be..not after u have agreed to his conditions and i ABSOLUTELY agree wth seperate money..i hate accounting fr the money i spend!

  17. Babe, that got me ROTFL,and that was so me.. when i accompanied H to come to Dubai and had to quit my job, i made him "sign" three conditions.. no jokes! it still remains in my personal diary, one of them was ofcoure the pocket money till i found a job in dubai, and he gave me the same "our " money jazz but i dint budge :D
    but on a serious note, am sure u have given it a thought, but do u really want to quit ur job?? i have read abt how u managed to find it in ur earlier posts, do u really HAVE to quit? cant there be an alternative? i know its a personal thing, but just putting my two cents!!
    and to answer ur ques- the only catch there might be the fact that he wont remember any of these terms after u have quit, men afterall! make him sign, make him sign ;)

  18. enjoy the pocket money!!!!! Don't worry about the catch- maybe the catch is he loves you to bits and wants to make you happy. Not a bad catch!!

    p.s. did you ever get the postcards I sent??

  19. BTW now that u plan to quit ur job, would a post everyday be too much to ask for?

  20. Pocket money for the wife, a very different concept, one that I had never heard of.
    Isn't everything that your hubby earns yours too and vice-versa (if you were earning)?
    Will your hubby also keep some money aside as his pocket money, which he can spend whichever way he likes, no questions asked?

  21. Hey I read some of the comments above on 'House Husband"..its not about a backward or modern society. I believe, the best person to take care of a child is always the Mom.
    When I get hurt, the first words out of my mouth are always "Mummyyyyy" and not "Papa" :)

  22. Hey I read some of the comments above on 'House Husband"..its not about a backward or modern society. I believe, the best person to take care of a child is always the Mom.
    When I get hurt, the first words out of my mouth are always "Mummyyyyy" and not "Papa" :)

  23. hi
    maybe over the course of time, your husband has realized what he's asking you to give up and this agreement is a small substituition to that. it's the least he could do for what you're doing.
    I'm a huge believer of equal partnership and i cannot imagine giving up my job and financial independance for anyone. so kudos to you and enjoy the pocket money ;)

    btw, first time here. came via scribbler.

  24. maddy: Hey no big deal...just wondered where u'd got to:-D. Oh he SAYS he has no problems abt staying home if I brought in the reqd money:-P
    Hmmm that I have accepted it I'm actually looking forward to staying home with the kids.

    wannabe: actually u can guess the amount from the no. of ** I put in the amt....try minimum:-P.
    yeah let me know if u knw of any part-time jobs which can be done at home thru the net, etc.

    onlooker: yes exactly....he usually doesnt change his mind, just like tht. His brain usually works on a different level altogether:-P
    And yes, I'm actually looking forward to the change of routine now tht I have accepted the change in my life:-)

    myspace: u knw wht....u & I think alike:-D

    ish: LOL..really????? U r something else. Much as I wanted to(the getting him to sign part) I didnt it is I felt sidey abt demanding something like this.
    Yeah I did some serious thinking before agreeing to quit. Amonst other things I realised tht it was right time to quit from this company now. Who knows what is waiting for me out there;-D???????
    Jokes apart, as of now want to stay home a bit & take it easy:-)

  25. First of all kudos to you for taking this decision - unwillingly or otherwise. Secondly, throughly research work-at-home options that can fulfil your creative needs - because your children will never truly appreciate your sacrifice till they come of age, you might as well be prepared. Looks like we'll be seeing more of you online then eh? :O)

  26. anjuli: Yes I'm beginning to believe the same now;-P

    About the cards....the guy who brings mail from HO to our office has taken 3 days leave & all the mail is stuck in his car:-/.

    Ish: Hah....u've got hopes. Incase u didnt realise...past 2 months I have breaking my brains about wht to put up every 4-5 days:-(.

    priyanka: Yeah I know, I know...the concept is quite hard to understand. And when u put questions like tht I feel quite bad abt myself. In an ideal world wht u say works very well is all I'm going to offer.
    regarding ur 2nd comment...
    When I get hurt, the first words out of my mouth are always "Mummyyyyy" and not "Papa" :)
    thts bcoz ur mother stayed at home with u, if ur father stayed ur first words wd have been "Papaaaa". Infact if ur grandma stayed, u'd have called her name automatically:-))

    A: Hi, how r u? Happy to see u here:-D
    Yes even I realise my better half realises tht I hate to give up my job & so is being more amendable:-D

    "I'm a huge believer of equal partnership"
    So was I, so was I but not anymore...I've opend my eyes to reality.
    Do u really believe it works...equal partnership, I mean?????

    shades of grey:
    "children will never truly appreciate your sacrifice till they come of age, you might as well be prepared."
    U r absolutely right...seriously, thanks for reminding me:-P
    Yes, am looking for options where I can work from home:-)....but there seems very limited options out here in Dubai.

  27. nancy
    this is quite a change! i am glad you are taking enough precautions to make sure you will not go crazy. just staying home will not do the trick. you also need to be a satisfied mom happy about the "what about ME" to do the kids much good.
    i know it is not easy. in my ideal world, i will have a part time job which will let me come home with the kids when school's over. best wishes for you to make this a success. all said and done i don't really think you will regret this in the long run.

  28. "Do u really believe it works...equal partnership, I mean?????"

    well it's worked so far for me...chores, finances, time off, etc. don't know how things will pan out in later years.

  29. Reflections: I didn't mean to make you feel bad, my apologies if it did. When I asked my hubby about what he felt about giving me pocket money, the first thing he said was "You have an ATM card, go and get whatever amount you want" and he also said "Does that mean, the rest of the money is mine? And I can spend it whichever way I like and you won't ask me about it??"
    Thats why I asked what I asked you earlier. Enjoy your pocket money! :)

  30. lan: u knw u've just echoes the 100 doubts in my head but heart of hearts I do understand & agree with my husband's point of view.
    Yeah even I know in the long run I will not regret it but what abt till I reach there:-(

    just call me 'A': Seriously I find it quite hard to believe...from what ever little I've seen & hrd no relationship is totally equal. Please dont get me wrong here:-P, its just my 2 pence worth

    p.s - just wondered, do u have kids;-P?????

    Priyanka: "You have an ATM card, go and get whatever amount you want"
    Hehehe ditto my husband's dialogue...yeah I have 2 of them ATM cards & a dependents credit card but till today I have never used without him by my side. U may not believe it even what I earn now I hardly see it:-P...coz its OURS. Since u genuinly wonder why I'll 'sort of' tell u...This money I have asked for is not strictly for my personal use...for eg. I have a not so well off cousin who is studying medicine & I'd like to send her some money every month(which I do now & dont want to stop) & other small " "....sometimes I may want to send a friend a present.
    Yes I know I can just take....I dont know how to explain..maybe I just dont want to account for it.
    I hope u do see what I'm trying to explain:-P

  31. best posts huh? how come i never saw ur message to us visitors :d

    did u change recently?

  32. Oh! so Sweet. I am sure he wants you to be happy, since you have given up your job at his bidding. Cheers to the home-maker. LOVELY post.

  33. there are lot of part time jobs available in technical writing...i am not very sure about the exposure in dubai...will find out and let you know...

    and regarding the "house husband" comment, i work and my husband is currently at home...his father had cancer and he quit his job to look after his dad...its nearly 6 months that he is at home...but alas, my FIL is no more...he always used to say that you work while i'll be house husband...but its easier said than times frustration does sink in, esp when ppl ask where you work and they way they react on hearing that the lady is the bread winner and not you

  34. ok now i know that i should start saving some money for hubby darling keeps telling me that once he comes here to kuwait and gets a good job, i can manage his whole money...and wen he needs will ask me.....
    well i guess in ur case he realised how much sacrifise u r making and understood wat agem of a person u r :)
    y dont u try working from home part time atleast.....
    heheh enjoy wat u will get anyway

  35. Different things work for different people. No need to explain, I'm happy for you. Enjoy! :)

  36. winnie: Heeeheee, 2 weeks back.

    goofy mumma: And I echo "3 cheers to the Home maker. Hip, Hip..."

    scribbler: Wow...really. Ur husband sounds like a great guy. Whatever people the end if u 2 have no issues abt it, dont let it bother u.
    And abt the other let me know.

    enigma: U knw wht???? He is a smart guy....he knows if he gives u the responsibility u'll never misuse it:-D
    And yes I am looking for part-time options

  37. Priyanka: Yes I knw i didnt have to elaborate. But I wanted u to knw:-).

  38. i am trying to contact my friends to find out about part time jobs...will let you know in two to three days the mean time i'd suggest that you upload your resume on there is a list of all part time jobs/work from home jobs

  39. My curiosity compels me to ask u how much money u asked for. Since I am his sibling, I might just be able to figure it out. Did u ask for cash at hand?

    My mind is racing. I will keep u posted the moment I am able to come up with something.

  40. scribbler: Hey thts so very sweet of u. and will do as u say abt signing up:-). Thank U.

    bins: Ofcourse cash in hand:-P...I mean is there any other way:-o?????
    And yes let me know tho now all of u have more than half convinced me that he is doing it out of the goodness of his heart:-P

  41. ur ardent spammer :P11 April 2011 at 21:32

    bil is just awesome ;-)

    ps. know what i tagged u in fb :P go n see :D


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