Crushed

"We never forget those who make us blush." - Jean-François De La Harpe

I first watched Shammi Kapoor teasing Sharmila Tagore with “Taaref Karu kya uski” in the Hindi film "Kashmir Ki Kali" on TV when I was a little girl. And whenever the song came on Chritrahaar or Chayyageet which was often, I would watch it unblinkingly, drink in all the exaggerated nuances on his face adoringly & yearned to be Sharmila Tagore complete with Kashmiri get-up.

He was my 1st love. Songs like “Chahe koi mujhe Junglee kahe[it’s a wonder I never broke my neck imitating him], Deewana hua badal & Dil ke jharokae mein tujko bitthakar[the overstated pathos on his face & the symbolism in the song made me weep]”. Most preferred Shashi Kapoor but I loved my Shammi Kapoor & stubbornly hung onto him.

Then came Amitabh Bachchan into my life. While my friends went ga-ga over the dying Rajesh Khanna in Anand it was the young doctor who held my attention. When he spoke I listened as if he was talking to me. His voice made my hair go on edge. His Sholay, Chupke, Chupke, Abhimaan & Milli were my favourites.
When he had his accident in Bangalore I remember secretly praying for him. And I remained faithful until he made his 2nd comeback. I don’t remember the movie name but it was a violent one. I hated it. The innocence I associated with his visage was no longer present & there was an angry old man involved in violent activities in my hero’s place. I was quite heart-broken & began distancing myself from him.

And how can I forget Rajiv Gandhi. He was not an actor but our whole family loved him & were huge fans of his. Everytime he flew down to Bangalore my father without fail would reserve a particular place in the balcony of his office on MG Rd, so that he could catch of glimpse of him. When he came back from office we used to make him repeat the story over & over again
On the day he was assasinated, I locked myself in the bathroom & cried so much……for his family & for us.

Then for a long time there was nobody who really touched me. Though I did give people like Suresh Oberoi & Kabir Bedi ample opportunities to win my heart. Their deep-throated timbre rang a bell somewhere but their acting was just that…acting.

When I was in the 10th[or was it 9th] Aamir Khan came down to earth like God’s Gift. The girls around me swooned over him & even the boys were aping him. But I had reservations. He was much too pretty for me. Infact I remember liking Juhi Chawla more.

Then Salman Khan happened. Saw his movie “Baaghi” purely by chance. The skinny & ordinary but sensitive looking actor bowled me over completely.
When he sang & danced[gaana] the beats in my heart strummed along[bajaana], when he got upset[roottna], along with the heroine I also ran to placate him[manana], if he had a sheen of tears in his eyes[rona] I cried buckets for him[dhona] and when he removed his shirt[uthaarna] I drooled all over him[moo-mein-paani-aana].

I was in love. I may not have wasted time doodling hearts & writing his name on every page of my books but I did have a huge poster of his plastered on the wall in my room. I may not have extrolled his virtues to everybody I met but did fight fiercely if anybody spoke a word against him.
He created a lot of difficulties for himself & others…………I saw it for what it was & was so mad at him but could never think of giving him up.

And then came Hritik Roshan, like a bolt out of the blue. "Kaho na Pyaar Hai" was good but it was “Mujhse Dosti Karoge” which sealed my fate. Forget the fact he looked gorgeous, he acted like a dream. When he looked straight into the eyes of Rani Mukherjee in anger, hurt & betrayal, I was sure he was looking into my soul.
"Yah Allah, mein Fida"!!!!!!

And Salman Khan…..what about him????? You’ll ask me accusingly.

What do u mean???? I shoot back.
You think I ditched him??????
How dare you?????
What kind of a woman do you think I am???????

Ummmm.....I just moved Salman Khan a wee bit to the side & now both he & Hritik Roshan co-exist peacefully. Infact Mel Gibson just got thrown out recently, giving them more room to move around. The creep, how dare he divorce his wife of 28 yrs.

And the stray others who also reside in the near vicinity are Sean Connery, George Clooney, Vishwanathan Anand & Farhan Akhar.

In case any of you are wondering where my better-half figures in all this, let me take ur leave with this quote......

"First love is dangerous only when it is also the last." - Branislav Nusic