It was 6.45am. I slid out of bed without making a noise, scrabbled on the table for my glasses, wore them & headed towards the door. At the door I turned once to look at my better-half who was fast asleep, grinned guiltily to myself & headed towards the laptop to switch it on.
As I double-click on the dial-up icon I can hear the bed creaking as my better-half gets up.
“Shoot” I mumble, shutting the laptop with a gentle click, rush to the curtains & pulled them apart to let the morning sunshine in.
I look back, to see him watch me quizzically & I strive to smile carelessly. He then trains his sight onto the laptop & a tiny green light blinks to tell him the truth, which I was frantically trying to hide.
Letting out a deep sigh & without saying a word he opens the front door to pick up the morning newspaper. And I exit the room on the pretext of making coffee, all the while feeling like a kid with her fingers caught in the cookie-jar.
The better-half is usually a rational man thru & thru. A man of very few words, a great husband, wonderful father, he is gentle, caring, considerate, stickler for rules, infact for the first 3-4 years of married life I kept wondering if he was for real. Now I’ve gotten used to his ways but my friends remain amazed to this day.
No, no, no I’m not just saying for the sake of it……..I don’t call him my better-half for nothing. He is better than me in all respects & frankly he’s the best the Almighty could have given me.
I hunt for a shortcoming to pin on him. Ummmm…..…hmmm.. well ok he is a bit of a Chauvinist…….Me Man, Me feed my Family, Me protect them from all danger types…. which gets a bit too heavy handed sometimes…..but it is a fault I can magnanimously overlook since it is better than “I Me Myself” and Oh yes how could I overlook this weakness of his………he watches a lot of TV.
He knows I have a blog & must have visited it a grand total of 3 times, each time at my insistence. As long as I was blogging from the office he had no problems. Though he never once verbally put my blog down, he treats it like something I do because I had a lot of time on my hands. Well he is right about the last part but I still don’t like the insinuation
When I was working, I hardly went online from home coz I was online fulltime at the office. But now at home he doesn’t approve of the time I sit tapping away on the laptop….he wants me to use the time more constructively like………like sit & watch TV with him & the kids.
Its been like this from the time I stopped working. He thinks I can do better things with the time I sit down & blog. To avoid needless arguments I prefer to do all my blogging & commenting when he is away at work. But somehow he still manages to catch me at it & makes me feel guilty.
A man who never surfaced before 8.30am during weekends was getting up at 7am to……to…...well he has to be doing this deliberately.
No, no, don’t mistake me, he doesn’t create any unsettling situations….just says innocuous stuff like “phone line was engaged for a long time”, or heaves a few deeeep sighhhs which sends across the message more effectively than any long winded lecture.
Then 1 day I burst out in indignation…..whole 2 minutes of righteous indignation….which started with…..
“Why does everything I do……”
And ended with….
“I’m so miserable!!!!!!!!!!”
Carefully looking away, I rushed out of the room, sat alone & shed a few tears of self-pity.
My case & arguments didn’t sound very strong…….somewhere inside me I wondered & still wonder if he is right. Maybe I shouldn’t expend so much time on my blog. That much time could be utilized in teaching Nikita her Hindi or I could arrange the cupboards or do some other constructive work.
He came after a few minutes & took me back to the living room…..to watch TV. No words were spoken…well his nature is such that if he had said anything I would have fallen off my chair.
As of now I don’t say the situation has dramatically changed but its much better…..his face doesn’t reveal much & I know for sure his feelings are still the same but I’m guessing that some of what I said must have had some effect & he does realise that I do need something to do ‘For Myself’.
The reason I wrote the whole situation out is to find out if any one of you out there is facing the same problem or situation from your parents or partners.
If YES, how do you deal with it??????? I sure could use some tips!!!!!!!!!!
And if NO, you've simply got to tell me your secret!!!!!!!!!!!!
How to escape emotional pain (post 30)
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