Monday 19 January 2009

Stretching Time....

Sometimes I look at my kids & feel a trepidation.....they are just growing up so fast......
Nikita knows more about make-up than me[ofcourse it is a different matter altogether tht wht I know abt make-up can be described in 2 words...brown lipstick] & Naina is quick to
catch us if we happen to burp & forget to say "Excuse me".

But jokes apart...I can already see where it is going. Soon they'll be old enough to come back on their own from the school bustop, will ask to sleepover at a friend's place & as it is, think "this Mama doesn't know much".
It is unimaginable even now to think that sometime soon we may send them on their own to the nearest grocery shop to make small purchases like our parents did with us.

And I keep wondering "Did my parents feel the same way like I do now???
"Nah they couldn't have....I mean, things were different then, the lifestyle itself was different, life was simpler, people could be trusted, roads were less crowded and so on.
Nowadays there are paedophiles & other mentally unstable people wandering all over the place ". We are reading about terrible incidents in the newspapers every day. Better to be safe than sorry, isn't it????

Yeah, yeah I know.....our parents also went through the same if not more worries than these. Atleast we are equipped with a lot of information nowdays which was seriously lacking in their days.....I mean those were days when even a telegram sometimes took 2 days to reach but now mobiles & emails keep us so much in touch that even from across the world we know what mom made for lunch today....ummm I keep track:-P.

Letting go is so difficult.....the kids I mean. All these years we made all their decisions...we decide what food is good for them, what clothes make them look good, how the haircut should be...

Slowly I see the difference, they are becoming more independent, their tastes differing with ours. Nikita doesnt quite like the clothes I pick out for her. Infact the other day in a store she dragged me to another aisle show an outfit which she thought was awesome......it was a purple & gold t-shirt & leggings. My first reaction was to vehemently reject the monostrosity[which I did ultimately, but with finesse]. And Naina doesnt quite like the way I comb her hair.

I waggle my eyebrows at the better-half to share the joke but hide a wistfulness for the days when they were infants who depended on us to do the best for them.

I know, I know it's way too early to start feeling sorry for myself....for a start they are just 7 & a 1/2 & 5 years of age. Worse is yet to come...then all this will be kiddy stuff.

Now even as we shush them at the dining table or order them to lower their decibel levels while they play, I'm aware a time will come when we'll hardly know they are there in the house, a time when we yearn that they come to us & initiate a conversation.

No book will ever prepare us for the actual events which will unfold as the years rush past. In the meantime we'll just savour the time we spend with them now & concentrate on bringing them up as good human beings with sound morals & a strong conscience.

And when we go shopping, I never fail to explain & stress how much "Mama loves Saris, Mama thinks Gold earrings are great, Mama likes to be taken out for ice-creams treats and whichever part of the world you are, Mama would like to hear from you atleast twice a day......".

40 comments:

  1. I really want to hug you after reading this post,Nancy!So very touching!My daughter is just 2,as you know,and I have similar fears,doubts,anxieties and aspirations that you are experiencing now and I know these feelings will get only worse as she moves ahead in life.Its so strange,isnt it that as much as we want out our children to be independent and take their own decisions,we also want them to cling to us and make us feel wanted??
    On a positive note,lets savour each and every moment with our children and pray that the Lord Almighty always always keeps an eye on them even when we cant.
    God bless Nikita & Naina:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. The kids in our house are just 18 months old but seriously, I can imagine what you're going thru. I was just dumbfounded when the other day Yuvaan picked up my shoes and kept them near the shoe rack when I came back from office. (Now, I cán't wait for the day when I can send him down to exchange the DVD, fetch me water, the cordless phone, clear the dishes etc. etc. he he)

    But who knows what the future holds so as you said, lets savour these moments...

    And btw, why isn't ur husband named Niju?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can feel the "feeling" but cant relate to it.. am yet unmarried yay!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nancy, what a fabulous post!:)
    I dont quite know what you`re going through( pbly will when I have kids of my own - a lil girl I hope!)..But there`s something so touching abt the way you`ve written this :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. You should be happy that they want to chose their own outfits. That is one less job for u! :)

    Jokes apart, I can relate so very much to what you have written! I am not a parent yet, but I have moved with way too many kids in my life. The first thing they learn to say is 'no'! How does one handle that?!
    When I think about having my own children one day, I keep thinking about all that u have mentioned. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to make the right decisions as a parent, and know when to let go and when to support. And it worries me. But I guess like you said until you are a parent you'll never know what to expect. All I can do is get prepared for that learning experience!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You should be happy that they want to chose their own outfits. That is one less job for u! :)

    Jokes apart, I can relate so very much to what you have written! I am not a parent yet, but I have moved with way too many kids in my life. The first thing they learn to say is 'no'! How does one handle that?!
    When I think about having my own children one day, I keep thinking about all that u have mentioned. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to make the right decisions as a parent, and know when to let go and when to support. And it worries me. But I guess like you said until you are a parent you'll never know what to expect. All I can do is get prepared for that learning experience!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my God! I feel the exact same way. I wonder if I will ever be able to let go, the way i should. You have worded it beautifully Nancy. Its tough being a parent isn't it? I fear the day, when my son will not 'need' me anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sometimes when I have a bad argument with either of my parents (cos face it, I sometimes feel they dont see things the way I see...and yes I agree I get unreasonable at times...) I look back after grounding myself in my room. I try and remember how I was as a kid and always listened to my parents..asked permission before making plans for movies, asked for a 100 rupee note, asked for every small thing...which they gladly obliged to.

    As I grew up, I wanted to have my own identity and nothing was asked. I'd make movie plans and "inform" them, take out money from the "ATM" and they only found out when the statement came in, swiped credit cards with utter disregard and without their knowledge. It was all a havoc. Then one day mom told me, "I was cleaning your cupboard and folding your clothes, while doing so, something lurched inside me. A feeling that soon you'd be married and go away, and this home will feel so empty without you. I'll miss your presence". I dunno what gave in, but that was the first time in my life I gave a hug to my mom. And the first time it dawned upon me that in a years to come...I might be standing right there where my mom is!

    Phew...some nostalgia your post has generated here. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. How true @ no book can prepare us for the actual events...

    ReplyDelete
  10. you have expressed the angst so well...it is close to my heart too. can't imagine the days when the house is not full of their sounds.. what can we do but hope for the best and that when the time comes we will indeed be able to let go?

    ReplyDelete
  11. So beautiful, i have faced the pain of letting the kids go and now my sis is having the same feeling of despair, as her only child will go out this year..but this is life:)

    ReplyDelete
  12. :)'empty nest syndrome' --Dont let it affect you before it actually should! :P
    Cheers
    preeti

    ReplyDelete
  13. aww...so sweet !!

    **Mama would like to hear from you atleast twice a day......".**

    very true..thats all parents want :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Simply liked the post. :) On one hand, iam tempted to feel sorry abt this, on another hand, its a part of our life. Nothing can be done about it... I appreciate your attitude about savouring the current time and help the children inculcate the best ideals.

    Iam not an expert, but i suppose this helps. Instead of wanting the child to behave as you would like to, instead just let the child understand that its gonna be responsible for his/her actions. And be the best role model you can be to your child... believe me, no matter how big they become, they will worship and idolize their role model, if you could become tat... :)

    Say my Hi an Love to the kids :)

    Keep smiling !!

    ReplyDelete
  15. oh! Nancy!!

    Still lot more to experience nancy!! My angel Just turned into Teen!!! Imagine how I would be feeling!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Deeps: Thank U!!!!
    "On a positive note,lets savour each and every moment with our children and pray that the Lord Almighty always always keeps an eye on them even when we cant."
    Agree so much with u especially the last part of it:-)).

    Rakesh: Just U wait & see, he'll soon figure out the ways of the world & the day will come sooner than u thk when u'll be spending the next 20 yrs keeping his shoe on the rack:-D.

    Winnie: If u put urself in ur parents shoes for a bit maybe u'll be able to emphatise:-)).

    Piper: Thank U!!!! Here's a prayer for a girl for u:-D.

    Jira: "The first thing they learn to say is 'no'! How does one handle that?!"
    The first time they say 'NO' contrary to wht u thk it is usually "sooo cute, she knows her mind, she'll go places, nobody can take her for ride, etc". But very soon we fall back on the earth with a thud & start to take control but by then it is usually too late:-P.
    "Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to make the right decisions as a parent, and know when to let go and when to support."
    A dilemma every parent goes thru...especially the last part.

    Goofy Mumma: I'm sure u will GM...for a start u've recognised the fact tht a day like tht will come in our lives which is more than wht can be said for a lot of people.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Smriti: U sound so level headed....u knw most of the time we start treating our parents with more respect only when we start to experience what they have gone thru...which is usually when we have kids:-D.
    And yes....u bet it happens, what goes around, comes around:-(.

    The Idle Mind: :-(!!!!!!!

    lan: Oh we will Lan, we will....let them go I mean.....its just tht it will hurt so bad for us & they'll never know...atleast for sometime:-)).

    Renu: Can just imagine wht ur sister must be going thru. Yes Renu.....this is life. We want the best for them & holding them back just does the opposite:-).

    Preethi Shenoy: More like "loss of control syndrome":-P

    Prakhar: I stress twice a day because only then they'll call atleast twice a week;-P.

    Prashant Sree: U always give very sound advice, Thank U!!!!
    esp, "And be the best role model you can be to your child... believe me, no matter how big they become, they will worship and idolize their role model, if you could become tat... :)"
    This really went straight into my heart.....I'll try...u bet I'll try..thank U once again!!!!!

    Maddy: oh teen huh!!!!! I dont envy u one bit. I myself was a troublesome teen for my parents, so I'm not at all keen to welcome the teens stage:-(.

    ReplyDelete
  18. awwww! Now u got me all senti too. But u are right. We should savour the moment. These kids are growing up real fast. It surely was different when we were kids. But, we have to pull up our socks and jog right along. Our folks would have freaked if they had to bring up kids in today's times!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Gosh ..u just scared me...now i ll always have the fear of having firangi baby ...I want to make the baby total desi...not ABCD.

    ReplyDelete
  20. i wouldnt be the best person to comment on this, i understand but dont associate to these feelings for obvious reasons but nancy, there are just 7 and 5 na.., its a long log time before u should actually start worrying
    and hey, do make them read this post several years down the lane.. they will be so proud :)for now hold on to the moment and dont worry abt the future

    ReplyDelete
  21. On the occasion of the Republic Day of our country, i take this opportunity to present this award to my blogger friends who have made a difference by writing their frank opinions in their blogs as well, as in the comment columns of other blogs. These bloggers have not written any sensational or luscious stories to attract traffic to their blogs, but they have put down in prose as well, as verse, whatever they have felt strongly about, may it be about their personal lives or about a burning issue of the society. The sole purpose of their writing has been to make a difference. I wish that their ideas may fructify and bring a change in the society for better. I salute them all. Nancy please pick up your award from my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Well...I can understand the feeling...though it hasn't started troubling me much yet....but have been thinking recently what we will do when she leaves the nest in a few years time...she is so much part of our life that I have forgotten what it was like before she came along! Anyway, guess it cannot be avoided!

    ReplyDelete
  23. And Nancy consider it as your birth day gift too. Many Happy Returns of the Day in advance.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Happy Birthday to the Mother Angels!!!! Have fun!!! Courier those cake pieces!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wishing you a very happy Biday nancy

    ReplyDelete
  26. Bins: "Our folks would have freaked if they had to bring up kids in today's times!"
    U knw going on the same thought I wonder how much it will change in our childrens' times:-o

    Smi: U knw I was the same....wanted my child to learn her mother tongue first, know our traditions, etc....but soon u realise u cannot stop a child from imbibing information. They are like sponges....they just absorb everything around them:-)).

    Ish: Yeah I know its too early...but that dependence on us is decreasing & tht sort of depresses, tho ofcourse if they continued to cling we'd be fed up;-P.
    "for now hold on to the moment and dont worry abt the future"
    Sometimes people without kids give more practical advise than the ones who have:-D

    Balvinder Singh: Thank U so much. I'm honoured. I'll be proud to display them in my blog.
    Thanks so much for my present & the best wishes:-)).

    Maddy: Thank U!!!!! Thank U so much for the wishes!!! Will courier them as soon as u gimme ur address:-D.

    Renu: Thank U so much!!!!! Gosh I didnt know so many of U knew. I thought only Balvinder Sir knew:-D....he used his superior army brain & made it out:-D

    ReplyDelete
  27. good one......
    and i suppose my mother felt the same way too when i was growing up.... :P
    good one.... :P
    i dont have experience enough to comment more on this... LOL

    ReplyDelete
  28. Awwwww...such a sweet little post... Oh I know the feeling and to be honest I am more aware from the kids point of view..lol....After my marraige, it was so difficult for me to adjust to a new home and place and stuff and still havent... My mom almost fainted during my wedding and she was crying and wailing and all..never knew my mom would do that....and i do have small blessing like, i came bac to live with my parents in Kuwait after wedding and now hubby has joined me here....Its s huge relief and i know how difficlut dad is finding it to let me go and let me be the adult...heheh sometimes even now i wonder y they treat me like a kid even wen i am gonna be 29....and sometimes i wish they would treat me like a kid too :)
    humm life is definitly moving on so fast right...Well as of now, i dont want my kids to be too dependent etc, maybe wen i reaaly have one i might feel different...
    But i guess these are definitly years for u to enjpy and keep in memory as the kids will soon growp and all :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Wannabe: I almost missed ur comment;-o...
    yeah as u said, it cant be avoided...we want them to reach the skies, so its not fair to pin their wings.
    Still its a depressing thought;-(

    ReplyDelete
  30. I was away for some time...sorry...Almost missed this one...
    Well, on the post, it is so true...they are the best when small, when you have a teenage girl, you wish you were deaf and dumb, becuase they try to be mean every instant and it hurts...well, all it in the process of motherhood...the goods and the bads...have to be taken all in the name of life.

    ReplyDelete
  31. How did I miss this post?

    And how did I miss your birthday?

    Anyway, I love love love this post, it's beautiful :-)

    And Happy Birthday Nancy!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. this post brought itty bitty tears to my eyes. You captured it all so perfectly- the struggle we parents go through in the 'letting go'- oh how I know it well- and believe me, the time comes ALL to quickly!!!

    I'm right now in Colorado visiting my son and his wife- I'll tell you what- it is wonderful to know that as I've let go, I see him continuing on in so many of those things I nagged him (oops- I mean- taught him about! :))

    Thank you for writing this post- it really warmed my heart- ENJOY your 'now' time with them!! (every second and every minute)

    ReplyDelete
  33. :) just cherish the moment, the today, the now! ya they do slip away soon...but then that is what life is all about, kids keep growing, we keep growing, newer experiences on both sides. That doesnt mean in any way, we stop being a parent, or they our children, at any point. So...few 'pearls' from a 'seasoned' parent! ;)

    ya havent been dropping in much! but never fail to read your posts. its the commenting part, ve been guilty of not doing much! and know what? your post sare becoming more and more interesting and more professional with an easy and an inimitable signature flair!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ajit: Ofcourse ur mother felt the same way....just that u didnt notice it:-))

    Enigma: Only a lucky few get to stay with their parents for 29 years:-o....enjoy it while it lasts:-D.

    Sindhu: Hmmm...since I have given my parents a very hard time during my teens I'm not at all expecting a bed of roses:-(.....I just keep hoping my kids are made in a different mould....well I can hope:-P

    Agnes: Thank U for both...the bday wishes & compliments:-D.

    Anjuli: Thank U for ur nice words..yes am enjoying the NOW.
    Enjoy ur holiday!!!!!!

    onlooker: Thank U for the gems of wisdom....we may know it but when somebody tells us like this it stays longer in our minds. Thank U:-))!!!!
    And thank you for the compliments.....tho I feel I dont deserve it I still feel good!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. heheh, well i know, i'm lucky...but the fact is that i was away from dad a lot its now that i enjoy staying with aprents...I have been away a lot in hostels and stuff which was ok, but it was good to be home before gettin married and all too :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. I just dropped in a comment on Renu's blog a lil earlier and I'd like to say the same thing: as a kid & a teenager I hated it when my parents were overprotective or strict in their upbringing. I sometimes wondered why they weren't more cooler like my friends' parents, who let them do what they want, dress how they wanted, go out whenever and wherever they pleased etc.

    Today I fervently thank God that He gave me parents like them, who were so devoted to us and did the right thing by us. That discipline and structure steadied us through those rough teenage years and now when I look at those same friends who I once envied, I feel I'm in a much better place emotionally & spiritually.

    So hang in there with your girls, be firm, but lovingly so. I'm sure there'll be some thankless years ahead, but in the long run they'll bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  37. ????? I'm so sure I commented on this post....i remember saying that I can do many things with my left hand...and I like eating with my left hand.....?? but it looks like I didn't say all these...was I dreaming?

    ReplyDelete
  38. u brought tears in my eyes :( i think i ll have a hard time lettin go of my kids for sure... but suddenly u made me lauf with the last line...

    how do u do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Enigma: Only when we stay far away from them do we realise their importance[like I do;-P]. Once again I repeat, lucky U!!!!!!!!

    Shalom: Ur 2nd para is just like how I think. And ur 3rd para "So hang in there with your girls, be firm, but lovingly so. I'm sure there'll be some thankless years ahead, but in the long run they'll bless you."
    I hope I'm upto it:-))!!!!!

    Sansmerci: U r easily pleased. God Bless U!!!!!
    And really sweet of u to comment on all the posts u missed.

    ReplyDelete
  40. A: LOL u r not dreaming, u r looking for it in the wrong place. That comment was written in the Heart is in the right place post:-D

    ReplyDelete

Thank U for visiting and taking the time to leave a comment:-))!!!