Monday 1 March 2010

Every Woman is Special!!!!

Butterfly, Lakshmi and Varsha tagged me to write something for International Womans Day on March 8th. I racked my brains the whole day to write appropriately and went to the main site to check their rules when I saw that the contest was ending the same day. I gratefully grabbed the straw and decided it was not possible to do justice at such short notice.


Contest or no contest the thought refused to go away, I idly googled for information and International Women's Day website said
“International Women's Day (8 March) is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.”
The difficulty was that I personally didn’t know anybody who matched this description and just as suddenly it hit me how blind I was. I was searching far and wide for inspiration when one of my closest friend’s life-story was something which always touched me.

We were a group of eight in college and Chaitra and I were part of this big noisy party. As years passed the numbers dwindled and it became a smaller group of 5. Chaitra and I were the only ones who took English literature and so it was not so strange that we became very firm friends by the end of our college-days.

Immediately after college she found a job in an educational centre and soon found a vacancy for me in the same place and our friendship only became stronger. She was a very good-looking girl, looked years younger & one could always find boys hanging around wherever she went. But she was much more than a pretty face; even in the early days of college she was determined to make something out of her life. But a bit confused, I felt or else why would she have gotten out of one broken relationship to jump straight into another. I didn’t approve at all but stood by her when she had to take the extreme decision to go against her parents’ fierce disapproval and marry the boy. I remember shaking in my boots when she dragged me to her parents’ house after her wedding as she couldn’t face them alone. Her mother broke down and demanded why I as her best friend couldn’t have advised her against the relationship. I felt terribly guilty then as I too felt my friend who had everything going for her could have waited for better things.

Everything which had to go wrong went haywire after marriage. Her father-in-law who was a strong support passed away, her parents refused to forgive her for going against their wishes and she found herself pregnant earlier than she planned. She had a terrible delivery and swore she was never going to put herself thru that ordeal again. All her dreams of climbing the corporate ladder fell thru when she was forced to leave her job after her child was born. Her mother-in-law made her life miserable and to top it she had put on so much weight after the delivery that her self-esteem fell. Imagine almost 80kgs on a 5’2 frame…….she once told me in tears how she hated looking at herself in the mirror. It was a hopeless situation, I remember thinking.

Once the initial shock of being confronted with one bad thing or the other passed, she grimly charted out a stringent plan. She was determined not to let circumstances over-whelm her. Her 1st objective was to lose weight; she joined a gym and under the guidance of a trainer exercised single-mindedly and ate all the right food. She lost all the pregnancy fat and achieved her objective in just 6 months flat and never slipped again. Next she looked for a job and found one after a lot of effort[nobody was keen to hire a new mother you see] and stuck thru it even though it was not what she was looking for as she needed the experience it offered.

Meanwhile the situation at her in-laws place where she stayed with her husband was deteriorating from bad to worse. She received absolutely no support from anybody and her husband had his own constraints. The biggest blow was when they were asked to leave the parents home and told to manage on their own when they didn’t have the means to do so. Her husband who part-managed the family business till then was suddenly out in the cold.

I can only imagine what my friend must have gone thru. She by nature is a private person and did not make friends very easily. She never let me know anything[I’m here in Dubai remember] and filled me in only when I went home for vacation. Not that I would have been of much help but atleast I could have lent her some support.

She was shattered but didn’t break; they moved into a small house near her parents house[by now her parents were on speaking terms with her] and she entrusted her son to her mother for the time she was away at work. Her parents were not very happy about it and shouldered the responsibility reluctantly . Chaitra knew about her parents reservations but couldn’t afford to let her pride talk so she pretended not to notice…..atleast her son was in the hands of somebody she could trust.

The next few years brought many life-defining moments both happy and sad and she took them all in her stride. She worked hard and learnt from her mistakes. Breaking away from the family proved to be a blessing in disguise. Her husband who had a casual attitude towards life woke up to his responsibilities; what’s more, recognized her for the woman she was and provided her with all support.

Now I marvel when I look at her. She is a poised and confident woman; nobody believes it when she says she has a 9yr old son. She stood by her mother when she underwent an open heart surgery and helps her father out financially. She is her parents’ strongest support, an irony really as all their life her parents were pinning all their hopes and aspirations on their son and sidelining her. As of now she is working for Dell as their ‘Regional Sales Manager’ and has 45 employees reporting to her. Need I say anything more???? And oh she won the 'Best employee of the year' 2 times consecutively.

I am so proud of her, my heart sort of swells when I think of her and always remember her when I need motivation. In the end I didn’t have to go far at all to find a woman who inspired me….she was there all the while, just within my little world’s reach.

This world is filled with amazing women like Chaitra who is somebody’s mother, daughter or wife. I am so glad she is my very good friend.

53 comments:

  1. Nancy -- I loved this post. Wow, what a story -- it gives me goosebumps, really.

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  2. Truly inspirational!! There is so much one can learn from your friend's story. Beautiful post Nancy.

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  3. Wow!!! She is an inspiration not only to women but all the men out there as well. Brilliant :)

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  4. It is so inspiring to read about her! A lesser person might have given up in the face of the odds. That was so inspiring to read, Nancy.

    I wish they would extend the deadline - your post deserves to be there!

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  5. Nancy: A very inspiring story of a really strong woman !! This story reminds of some of the similar ordeal my sister had to go through.And she is my all-time motivator and source of inspiration.
    And you are very right, often we don't have to look around for those special women, they are around us in our lives.

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  6. Wow Nancy! Lovely. Kudos to her.

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  7. What an inspiring story!! What an awesome woman. She really went up against all odds and stayed true to herself and stood strong. Excellent!!

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  8. Loved this post. This is really inspirational. Its always good to know of women who have hit rock bottom and have risen again . Sorts gives us the confidence that we could do it too :)

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  9. Absolutely loved this post! I am a big one for celebrating women! I have done a post on each of my friends for their B'days & they all loved it.

    Nilu

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  10. very inspirational....We learn a lot from ppl who are around us than thosse whom we admire on Tv screens... hats off to ur friend

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  11. What a great story Nancy. I adore your friend. It sounds very hard; to pull up from the bottom, lose weight, get back to work force and move on and she has done it. And mending relationships and standing by family, very very touching life story Nancy. Great post!

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  12. WOW, what a woman of substance and how she overcame all her hurdles!!Thanks Nancy, for sharing teh story with us.

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  13. she is indeed a special woman :)

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  14. WOW!!! And you are telling me that you didnt submit this for the contest ???? You shld have.

    Fantastic post. Very courageous woman. I really admire the way, she fought back against all the odds to prove herself.

    Actually loved the part where she lost those fat and became fit and trim. Thats one great inspiration, right ???

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  15. You know what I love the most about this post? Its your open and honest admiration and love for your friend. If it had been anyone else writing, I would have felt that little bit of patronisation there, but with you, I feel the love you have for your friend.

    About her, we are what we choose to be. I am super duper impressed by Chaitra, who is not only smart, but a woman with a head firmly on her shoulders and a very very focussed mind. Cheers to women like her.

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  16. Wonderful post N. Amazing lady - these are the true heroines of the world. The term "woman of substance" was coined probably for eactly a person like Chaitra. Very inspirational.

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  17. Wow! This completely overwhelms me, Nancy! You know there was this dialogue by Jack Nicholson in 'As good as it gets' where he says - You make me want to be a better man.
    That`s exactly how I`m feeling right now!

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  18. This story is really inspiring!!! You become stronger when you have hurdles and problems in life. God gives us those to make us strong.... Kudos to Chaitra

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  19. A wonderful and inspiring story...

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  20. What-a-post Nancy!!! I have been typing & deleting comments on your box for 10-15 mins cos I don't know how to react. What Chaitra made out of her life is extra-ordinary! No small feat; easier said than done to actually LIVE a difficult life and come out stronger. Also, I admire you for standing by your friend although you didn't approve of what she did. One always remembers friends who offer support during life's weak moments.

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  21. she is a special woman indeed! lovely post as always Nancy! :)

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  22. What an inspirational story and life!
    For many women out there who loose all hope in life, this can be a life-changing experience to share..

    And I had tagged you too...I guess you didn't notice :(

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  23. I know someone like this (now a managing director and country head of a reputed American firm in Bangalore) who turned the way she is through a lot of determination and perseverance. She started her career in sales with peanuts for pay packages. But the result of all this was- she got divorced, her daughter had a neglected upbringing, and she's got various health problems. Some people like these also take the concept of workaholism to such extreme levels that they're even ready to sacrifice their family and personal life for their careers. Sad but true!

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  24. And we think such things happen only in those colourful movies b.w changing scenes?
    So glad u chose to blog abt Chaitra Nancy. She is an inspiration for sure! God bless her and u too for being such a sweet friend :)

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  25. Main thing here is she accepted responsibility and did something about it.
    Lovely one.
    Good luck for the contest!

    Cheers
    preeti

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  26. very inspiring story.. God bless her..

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  27. wow! What a wonderful story and so inspiring to be remembered when I complain about small things.

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  28. That was a good one...a nice story.Well, trust you to have good friends too..ones who inspire!All the best for the contest...

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  29. I love the way you write Nancy

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  30. Really, that girl's courage is something else!
    What a story!

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  31. ...simply amazing..a wonderful inspiring story...
    It will always remind me that it is never difficult to get up, no matter how hard we fell.. :)

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  32. thats a great sroty, very inspiring.. you seldom come across such people in real life, you are lucky.. and this should have definitely gone to the contest..

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  33. A true inspirational story!!Nothing is impossible if u 'hv the willpower one can overcome from any hurdles.

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  34. That's an awesome friend you have got. wishing her more happiness in her future.

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  35. A true story of grit and perseverance..how I love and adore girls like Chaitra..may god bless her!!!

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  36. Nancy, I just opened your page today to see ur recent posts. And, you, as ever, didnot disappoint me!!That was truly motivational,I need it the most at this moment. True, Inspirations are in our vicinity only!! Thanks for sharing such a motivational post. Pls keep writing...

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  37. Thank you so much everybody for your warm and beautiful comments. There is this lovely quote by Albert Schweitzer which says “In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” I find it very apt for how I feel about my friend.
    @Arjun: I’m sorry to hear about your acquaintance, my friend leaves office exactly at 6pm everyday and switches off her office cell-phone which is turned on again only at 8am the next day. Yes, there are days when she has to put in some extra hours but only when it is unavoidable. Like you said, it is all too easy to become a workaholic if one doesn’t know where to draw the line.

    I’m sorry about not replying individually as I’m not exactly in the right frame of mind. The final exams are going on and I have two children who haven’t the slightest clue about the gravity of the situation;-(.

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  38. She is an inspiration. We give up so many times, let ourselves get overpowered by the 'she's a woman, she's weak' syndrome. And once in a while comes such a person, who shows us how strong we can be.
    All the bst with the exams. Yes, YOU, the mother. The kids, I'm sure, will manage:P

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  39. A really inspiring post. Thanks for sharing this true story of determination, courage, postivity and all the other positive human qualities.

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  40. i'm so glad she bounced back...It must have been so tough for her..in the end, it is true when they say, if you believe you can, you really CAN!

    and so understand about the exams...my 12 yrold has his finals going on, and I'm the only one thinking about it :)

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  41. Wow!
    Your friend is truly an inspiration!
    Thank you for sharing her story.

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  42. It was really an inspiring read Nancy. Thanks for sharing it

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  43. ur friend has just proved that a will and strong Determination will take a person anywhere they want to be

    thoroughly enjoyed the read and very mush inspired Nancy

    ashes

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  44. I am forwarding this to my friend whom I had written about sometime back. This is sure to inspire her. Kudos to your friend, Nancy!
    And good luck for the exmas;-)
    Situation is the same here :-)

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  45. hI Nancy, That is a wonderful example of grit and determination. I have seen many such women around me and have always felt that God gave all the pains to women because she knew that women has the inner strength to bear it,over come it and still smile at life for the sake of her children, parents and husband. The will power of every women is commendable, every woman has to just wake up to this inner power of hers and take on life head on!! Hats off to women like chaitra.

    Happy womens day !!
    take care
    Rekha

    ps: Busy with work, but could not resist commenting on this wonderful post :)

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  46. Reads like a story, an inspirational post like the one you'll find in chicken soup series..... gave me goosebumps, i hope you send this link to Chaitra, she'll know that she is being an inspiration for ppl across the world... :) one more feather to her already colorful cap!

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  47. hope exams/prep are going well.
    good post as always nance.

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  48. hi chechiiii... advance women's day wishs... much love to you, to bil n to the nieces... ;) hav a grt day!

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  49. Hmm what can I say about such a wonderful and inspirational post.
    Loved reading every bit of it. Actually this is my 5th visit here (In fact I was online when you posted it and read it immediately).
    I was coming, reading and simply leaving as I didn’t know what to express after reading such a motivational post. Even now I don’t know what to write but could not postpone it longer ;)
    Frankly speaking, this particular post is a gift to all those women who are going through such phases in their lives (which is very much a common case if they are Indians).
    P.S. Reflections, The subject of this particular post overshadowed your exceptional writing skills. :)
    HAPPY WOMAN’S DAY

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  50. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  51. Thank U, THANK U so much for all ur Heart-warming comments:-)!!!!

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  52. Indeed! we dont have to search far to find ppl to inspire us.. for me.. my mom would always remain ideall with all her short comings!!

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