Tried and Tested on Kids

A friend of mine got married in his late thirties and they had a baby recently. He is a big guy in the creative field, very confident but fatherhood has completely freaked him out. He takes a very healthy interest in his baby and even the minutest details are given a lot of attention. 

Once in a while we meet online, after the barest pleasantries he is onto his favourite subject…his baby. I try to calm him down with all the stuff I remember about when my kids were little. One day he thanked me profusely for all the help and asked me why despite being a mother there wasn’t a single post on bringing up children on the blog.

I laughed & dismissed the idea of a post outright but after grandly announcing my return to blogging a week back and then looking around blankly for a while[for inspiration;-P] I didn’t have much choice.

Anyways here is some gyaan for what it’s worth….

#Babies generally cry for 3 reasons; hunger, lack of sleep or a wet nappy. Only after you’ve ticked off these 3 things, should you proceed forward to exploring your other[often unfounded] fears.

Another reason could be gas. That’s why burps are like sweet music to the parents’ ears. Timely burps also saves you from needing to change your outfit after every feed which your baby dutifully throws up on you.
How to do it: Hold baby upright and pat the back gently for a while. You know what they say about watched kettles right……don’t expect the burb right away; give it 20 mins, if you are lucky it will happen in 10. The little ones who burp immediately & to the point[minus the mess I mean] have very, very lucky parents.

#Using cotton nappys is a very noble thought but if you want a good night’s sleep use a good[brand] diaper only for the nights. Just wash the itty-bitty bummy with water & mild soap everytime you change the diaper & apply a bit of Vaseline. A good night’s sleep for everybody involved assured.

#Don’t knock Pacifiers without trying them. If you have a baby with Mariah Carey’s musical pitch[the kind that can shatter glass] or the depth of an ambulance siren[goes on and on] pacifiers are life-savers. This tip is from a good friend.

#Please don’t invest in baby walkers. They ruin the shape of your little one’s legs. Many of the bow-legged children you see around you are victims of these contraptions.

#Resist the temptation of taking pictures of your little ones without their clothes. Spare a thought for the poor kid who will cringe in embarrassment later on. And maybe even hold it against you for the rest of his life.
I’m not even going into the bit about when these pics get into the wrong hands.

#Sleep is very important. A schedule even more so. A child who sleeps & wakes up on schedule is a happy kid [most of the time].

#Tantrums can be avoided 85% of the time if the parents are alert. Take the child away immediately from the cause of discontent and distract him with something else. DO NOT allow the child to wallow in his misery thinking you are teaching him a lesson. All it serves is to make him more stubborn.

#Be extra careful when you use words like ‘No’, ‘I don’t know’ and ‘Go get it yourself’. Before you know it they’ll be repeating it back to you….and in the same tone;-/.

On the same topic…..we all know how fast they pick up phrases like ‘Shut up’ ‘get out’ and ‘I hate him’ or ‘he's lying’. Instead of yelling at them uselessly, teach them to substitute the same with ‘Keep quiet’ ‘please leave’ and ‘I don’t like him’ or  'he's not telling the truth'. You may have to repeat this a few times but once they get the hang of it our ears are spared.

And the last life-saving tip….

#Never, I say never teach your toddler the correct word for a ‘private part’ of the body. Use a nickname, codeword or refer to it as another bodypart. This tip will save you from embarrassment more times than you’ll be able to count.

There’s more but I’ll get off while the going is good. I get the feeling some of you are already looking at me very disapprovingly.

Once again, I don’t claim to be any expert; these are some things which worked for me and I’m sharing them with you. Feel free to discuss, argue and add your gyaan on how it worked for youJ.

Yesterday...

....we went to a Mall.

Never again....

We managed to lose some money in the first 1/2hr itself…..alright alright I lost the money.

We walked back & forth endlessly to register a complaint. The better-half thought it was useless but I was like 'We are not going to lose anything, are we???'. We did. We lost 80 precious minutes.

The kids didn’t get the books they were hoping to pick up[which was why we were in the mall in the first place] and were very disappointed.

It was just 8pm but we prudently decided to go home while the going was good.

The world-famous driverless Dubai metro broke down; all passengers were directed to alight at some random station and wait for buses to take them home. 

The metro officials called us back after 15 mins and announced that the metro will drop us in the next station....which it did....but which again was in the middle of nowhere.

The 2 buses provided for the emergency finally arrived and saw 4 busloads of people clambering inside & another 2 busloads outside trying to get a leg in. We didn’t even bother, just stood at the peripherals and watched the entertaining absorbing sight.

The kids who make it their business to check out the rest-rooms in a mall forgot their routine.

We tried to flag down taxis but others got there first till there were no more taxis.

We gave up and started walking. Walking in the humidity was NOT funny especially when we were not even sure if it was in the right direction.

Somewhere inbetween Nikita's sandal strap gave up adding to her our woes; with that Nikita burst into tears.

We were hungry, thirsty and not a restaurant in sight.

There was lots of time for contemplation….
*we wondered if Friday the 13^th got her dates mixed up.
*the kids decided adventures were just NOT their thing and will be very careful in future about what they wished for.

*the better-half was grimly striding in front of us, like as if he got information that the country was going to war.
*I was critically examining the episode from all angles; after all the first post after a blog-break must not in any way reflect the blogger's fear that her skills may have rusted.

And just like that a fast-food joint came up on the horizon and we rushed in for sustenance.

The food was lousy but we ate it stoically; nothing was going to be taken for granted any more.

And reviewed our situation….we spent the last of our money on the meal and there was not a single ATM in the vicinity.

……

……

We reached home around 12.30am

Never again will we bunk church to go mall-crawling.