Received this in my mail and loved it.....thought I'll share it with U

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

'And why's everyone so quiet,
So sombre - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

JUDGE NOT.

Remember...Just going to Church/Temple/Mosque doesn't make you a Christian/Hindu/Muslim any more than standing in your garage makes you a car .

Every saint has a PAST....
Every sinner has a FUTURE!!!!!

Dead End

The day before yesterday, Bins father-in-law passed away. He was around 67 years old & suffered from Parkinson’s. Yesterday I found out that a neighbour who we lived opposite to our apartment for 23 years had passed away. Mr. Jalal, a Pakistani national, maybe around 50 years of age, complained of feeling uneasy in the morning. Not heeding his wife’s advice of consulting the doctor next door to his office, he drove all the way to a hospital. He was found dead in his car infront of the emergency building entrance.

The above is actually my secret nightmare. Dying in the middle of nowhere. When I used to go to work there was this huge main road with 4 lanes that I crossed everyday.......the zebra crossing was 5 minutes away, the sun was too hot & I was always running late. So it was easier to cut across…..I would wait to find a break in the traffic & run across, carefully ofcourse. Running across a main road is actually a traffic offense here but since there were no visible policemen around many of us did this to save time. But everyday while cutting across the road this thought would cross my mind “What if some vehicle hit me & I died today??? Nobody would know who I am. I could be lying in a pool of blood & my family will have no idea.”

Till the age of 30 I hardly gave death a thought. Death happened to old people. Whenever I heard that somebody was suffering from cancer or kidney failure I would wonder why people had to suffer so much. Why couldn’t death be quicker???
But now at the age of 35 when I hear that a 38 year old died of a heart-attack or a 45 year old died of cancer I have this vague feeling of panic. 35 is not so far away from 38 or 45. Death was no longer something which happened to very old or sick people.

Frankly speaking, Death scares me. It is so final. I wonder what goes on in the minds of people who suffer from incurable illnesses like cancer & Aids???? Where do they get the courage to live knowing that they are soon going to be buried under the earth or charred to ashes???? How do they feel about having no say…no choice about their living, or should I say dying?????
I was so upset when I watched the video of the Last lecture by Randy Pausch. When I see dead bodies of little children in Iraq in the newspapers I’m filled with anguish. I want to hold my children tightly & not let them out of my sight. When Winnie blogs about her mother who passed away I feel so terrible for her that I sit there for ages wondering what I could write to console her….. but I know no words of comfort can obliterate the grim truth that her mother is no more, which inturn reminds me that my parents are growing old. I didn’t feel so bad when my grandfather passed away at 98 but when I hear of people, even strangers dying in their prime I’m terribly upset. Even death scenes in movies & soaps depress me…..especially when the protagonist pleads that he doesn’t want to die.

Long back when I was blogging from Windows Live Spaces I used to visit the blog page of a Pakistani teenager, living in London. I don’t have the link otherwise I would have put it here. She was very attached to her father & had watched him die in front of her eyes. A few weeks after his death she put up a heart-breaking post on what happens to a body after it is buried. Till then I had no clue & infact didn’t even want to know what happened to dead bodies. That post was terrible….her anguish at her inability to save her father from death & the graphic descriptions of after-death deterioration were horrifying. I know I can google & get it but I don’t want to. I just cant bear to do it.

Religions give us hope of a beautiful place like Heaven & actions like rebirth. But I find no solace in any of them. This is where I question my faith in the Lord???? If I really believed in the Father I should be comfortable about going back to him. But I’m not.
Does anybody know what really happens????? All I know is that if I die I’ll be taken away from my family…….my parents & husband will be inconsolable & my children will be bereft. And I………I don’t want to go anywhere, period!!!!!

Then again I think.....maybe as we grow older our mind also grows & accepts death like how we embrace all the other stages in our lives. At first the people around are shattered but gradually they pick up the threads again. The dead person finds a place on the wall. And Life goes on.

Have I spooked you with this post????? Actually was not planning to write a post of this kind at all. Its a topic I generally am content to push under the carpet. I just concentrate on living Life on a day-to-day basis. Its only when I’m confronted with bad news, all these depressing thoughts come & make me feel terrible. Didnt mention it earlier but even the Air France tragedy sort of contributed towards all these morbid contemplations.

Is there anybody who shares these kind of thoughts?????
Or maybe a different point of view??????

Dear God,

My earliest memories are of my mother, sister & I sitting on a yellow straw mat & praying to You. Mother taught me beautiful hymns, she taught me verses from the bible & I remember coming 1st in Sunday school. She also taught me how to pray.

I knew the Bible quite well....ofcourse I dont claim to have understood it but I could recite many short chapters from the Psalms & knew most of the stories in the Bible. I once read the whole Bible in 1 week[yeah I know You know that I was terribly sick with typhoid & didnt have another book to read]. I knew who Ruth was, what Esther did, who Elijah & Elisha were & how they went to heaven, knew about David & Goliath, Wise King Solomon & most importantly I thought I knew all about your Son & how he gave his life up for us.

All good uptil here huh!!!!

But as You very well know, somewhere along the line I lost interest...not that I didnt believe in you. I did but I never took time out to talk with you. I never thanked you for my blessings, I didnt approach you when I had decisions to make. Even when I had troubles it never occurred to me to come to you and even it did occur I could never do it because my reasoning was that I never did it when I was feeling good so I had no right to approach You when I was feeling miserable.

I dont really recall when or why I started distancing myself from You. I sort of started relegated You to the backgroud during my teenage years. Oh I still sat with my family for the family prayer where we sang hymns[I thought I sang pretty good], read the bible[yeah I liked hearing the sound of my voice], sing songs again. Here I got irritated...well we already sang songs, right???...whats the need to sing again???
Chitrahaar was going to start in exactly 20 mins & this hymn was going to take up 4-5 precious minutes & then the final prayer would take another 10-15 mins. Throughout the prayer I would stealthily peek thru my closed eyelids at the clock & my brain would try to connect with my mom's brains to "Keep it short, keep it short, KEEP IT SHORT, please". Ofcourse Ma would decide to say 2 extra prayers that night. Finally the Amen & the sign of the cross happened in fast forward mode & the next second found me in the living room pressing the red button on the TV remote.
Oh dang...the first break was already in. I bet Ma deliberately does this, I would think bitterly.

Looking back, teenage years were trying times. I sure could have done with some Faith. Whether we joined her in Prayer or not I knew my mother shed tears while she prayed for us. I watched my sister....my younger sister read the Bible & Pray every night before going to sleep while I slept or pretended to.

But I know You haven't forgotten those odd occasions when I did come to You & laid my heart bare at your feet. Every once in a while I reminded you about this wish I had……..for a good husband. Not those rich or pretty-looking dudes, just a good human being who'd stand by me through thick & thin & oh how can I forget that I asked for good wedding photographs. Coz wedding photgraphs were for life & however I turned out later, these pictures would be my signature for life....something to show my kids & grandkids. Ofcourse I realise now that it was 1 dumb request as the kids recognise everybody else in those photographs except me. You must have had a good laugh while granting that request.

You granted both those requests……a fine man by my side & good wedding photographs. My faith was strengthened by the good things which were happening & I thanked You over & over again.
Leaving my family to be with a man I was hardly knew was a big test in my faith in You. I still remember sitting in that plane 10 yrs back to join the man I married, staring blankly through the window into the darkness outside with tears pouring down my cheeks. Just for a moment I even wondered whether I’d reach my destination.

I wonder if You realized that at first when I started praying genuinely I felt like such a fake…like I was mouthing some lines simply because I thought you expected to hear it. Prayer didn’t come easily…and placing my complete faith in You was so difficult. If I gave myself to You COMPLETELY, did that mean I have to give up movies or games or erase that bit of deviousness which was present inside me??? I was not really ready.

The children made their appearance & their growth again made me marvel at Your Kindness. Along with the children I also grew…..wider. But jokes apart……except for the quick one-liners muttered under my breath, there were times I was busy or too tired by the end of the day to speak with You, and strangely my faith was deeper than ever.
Obstacles would appear from nowhere, the people I depended on most may not have been there to shield me and You my Lord also took your own sweet time to respond but there wasn’t any doubt that You’d make it right finally & that if I held on to You I’d be totally safe.

Maybe I’m feeling my age…………..maybe I have more faith than before or maybe its Just You……I’ve gradually started depending on You, learning to let go and lean on Your strength, though I still have my doubts about my Faith whether….
… I’m good enough in your eyes
…or maybe I’m doing it all wrong
...You’ll reject me when I reach there

Then again I realize all these misgivings are about me…….about You there is never really any doubt.

Yours till eternity,
Nancy

GOD told me....

Quit Worrying: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little things that comes your way? Put It On The List: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not your list, put it on My to-do-list. Let Me be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all, God. I can take care of anything you put in My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

Trust Me: Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For your sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

Leave It Alone: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in My peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do My job.

Talk To Me: I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what is making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

Have Faith: I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me, you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

Share: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

Be Patient: I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expectto handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

Be Kind: Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please know I love each of your differences.

Love Yourself: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by Me for one reason only - to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to Me. Don't ever forget that!

"My Lord's the best.
He knows me for what i am.
U simply rock Father!!!!!!!!!!!"